This man does not feel like an adult. Why?
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Independence is the ability to set your own goals and achieve them yourself, the ability to solve your problems at your own expense. The two main aspects of independence are the freedom of one’s own choice and the ability to pay for this freedom.
The right to self-control is the right to independence. Where you are controlled, you are not trusted to be independent. Where a person is not wealthy, control by a competent person is not a nuisance, but a service. See →
You have to pay for this freedom, therefore, someone who is able and ready to pay for his freedom is called independent. The one who takes on more personal responsibility gets the right to be more independent. The one who does not cope with his problems loses the right to independence. See →
How to develop independence?
Development of independence in children
In order for our children (and sometimes already quite adults) to stop being children and become independent, it is important:
- create situations where independence is possible and within their power,
- create situations where independence and adulthood are prestigious and become attractive,
- create situations where independence is obligatory and simply forced. See →
Important: all this works when you, as parents, have at least some authority and the child somehow obeys you. Naughty children living like parasites on their parents’ necks are not independent, and at the same time protest against independence. You will achieve that children obey you — you will be able to bring up independence in them faster.
Independence of adults
And if an adult behaves dependently, like a small child? What to do?
— Answer: the same as with small children.
Can psychotherapy help in such cases? Most likely not: before us is a person who is not sick, but does not have the skills of independence, is not accustomed to lack of independence and does not want independence. Before us is a small child, and the child should not be treated, but developed and educated. But is it possible to somehow help in this situation? Sometimes it is possible, but the parents who raised such a “child” should come to the consultation first of all. Get advice…