A sense of self-worth is an important condition for a sense of fullness, harmony and fullness of life. What attitudes make us underestimate the significance and what exercise will help change this, says psychologist Ekaterina Schasnaya.
What does it mean to feel important? Significance can be external and internal.
- Internal – this is how respectfully and attentively a person treats himself, his desires, needs and needs.
- External – how it is perceived by society and a close circle. Confirmation that a person is valued, respected, loved, interesting and important to other people.
But each person, to one degree or another, has attitudes that reduce personal significance. And this gives rise to problems and questions: “why do you try all the time, work, but you can’t see a rise in the career ladder?”, “I run my own business, but I can’t delegate tasks and demand maximum return from subordinates”, “my husband does not consider my desires and does not listen to the opinion” and others.
When a person, afraid of offending, makes concessions that complicate his life, this is a sign of fear of being rejected.
To solve these problems, you need to understand what attitudes affect their appearance in your life.
1. Standing out is bad. For example, being rich and successful is unacceptable and dangerous. This attitude has been embedded in our mentality since the revolution and resonates with us to this day.
2. Demonstrating your dignity is indecent. Exaggerated modesty, instilled in childhood by parents and significant people, causes shame and guilt.
3. Priority of other people’s interests. It manifests itself in the form of neglect of one’s own interests and needs for the sake of the needs of others.
4. Orientation to someone else’s opinion. When making decisions, a person not only listens to someone else’s opinion, but also trusts him more than his own. This is a veiled fear of taking responsibility for your life and decisions.
5. Fear of offending another. When a person, afraid of offending, makes concessions that complicate his life, engages in self-abasement, adjusts and endures, this is a sign of fear of being rejected. This setting is often intertwined with the setting for the priority of other people’s interests.
6. External locus of control. Shifting the blame for your failures to other people and circumstances. An imaginary impossibility to influence your life.
If you recognize at least one attitude in yourself, perform the following technique. Take a sheet of paper. Describe how the attitude affects your life. What areas does it particularly affect? How does it manifest itself in behavior? Now write the opposite belief for her. For example, you have the mindset “demonstrating dignity is indecent.” Replace it with a positive belief “I respect and love my virtues, I am happy to share them with others.”
Complete the exercise by recalling a situation in which you manifested this attitude and imagine how you would behave if you were guided by a new positive belief. Take your time, imagine everything as detailed as possible, mentally observe your behavior. Remember it. To strengthen the effect, remember and do the same with 2-3 similar situations.
Gradually introduce the new behavior into your life. Nobody will do it for you.
About the Developer
Ekaterina Schasnaya — Psychologist, author and host of self-sufficiency programs. Read more at .