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Women’s sex drive can be no less powerful than men’s, but complexes about their own appearance and the habit of ignoring the signals of their body prevent a woman from being liberated and fully enjoying sex with a partner. Here are four exercises that will help boost a woman’s libido.
“When a man is at the peak of ecstasy, he is completely indifferent to how his partner’s breasts look at the moment, he doesn’t even open his eyes,” says psychologist Cindy Meston, author of a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. — The woman, on the contrary, is feverishly thinking: “God, I need to change my position as soon as possible, in this position my chest looks sagging!” Men have absolutely nothing to do with it, it’s only a matter of women’s self-esteem.
Uncertainty about their physical attractiveness is not the only factor that poisons women’s pleasure from sex. Another reason is that the female consciousness often “does not keep up” with physiological arousal.
Until recently, it was believed that physiological arousal and arousal subjectively experienced by a person are interconnected — that is, a man with an erection or a woman experiencing a rush of blood to the genitals should also feel sexual desire at this moment. But this is true more for men than for women.
Meredith Chivers, a sexologist at the University of Toronto, analyzed and summarized the results of more than a hundred scientific studies that measured the level of physiological arousal in men and women while watching erotic videos. What the men said about their arousal was consistent with the results of genital measurements. With women, no.
Chivers found that the longer women watched an erotic video, the more consistent the two types of arousal were.
Women need more time for the brain to catch up with the body. That is why they need foreplay before sexual intercourse
“Most women don’t listen too much to the signals that their genitals send them; we are not accustomed to give them due attention, — says Cindy Meston. — The female genital organs are small, imperceptible, and the changes that occur to them are not so striking as to evoke a response in the mind and an urgent desire to satisfy the demands of their body. If a man experiences a strong erection, he cannot fail to notice it, so he reacts accordingly.”
Different degrees of consistency between subjective and physiological arousal in the weaker and stronger sex, according to Chivers, may have biological causes. There are studies proving that men, unlike women, have a better understanding of their bodies. For example, men have a more developed internal (interoceptive) consciousness: a man is more likely than a woman to determine the frequency of his pulse without counting.
Perhaps the harmony of mind and body during physical arousal in men is a consequence of the fact that their mind receives signals directly and exclusively from their body, while women are «tuned» to a wider range — the situation as a whole and personal ideas about their own sexuality.
How to increase sexuality
Psychologist Laurie Brotto has developed a sexual receptivity program for women who complain of decreased libido. Its main goal is to reunite the mind and bodily sensations.
1. Meditation
Why: learn to bring your mind back to the here and now whenever distracting thoughts arise.
Take a simple object — a coin, a raisin — and slowly examine it from all sides: by touch, by sight, by smell, by taste. If the brain begins to wander, gently and calmly bring it back to the object. Do the exercise 10 minutes a day: while walking, eating, washing dishes. Option: meditate in the traditional way — close your eyes and silently, in silence, completely concentrate on the process of breathing.
2. Study your body
Why: learn to ignore thoughts about your physical strengths and weaknesses during sex. Accustom yourself to look at your body without embarrassment and complexes.
Examine your body while showering, bathing, drying yourself. As soon as an assessment of appearance begins to form in the mind, immediately return it to pure contemplation of the body. Next time, repeat the exercise, using a small mirror to examine the entire body, including the genitals. Touch them (without masturbating), refraining from value judgments, concentrating only on what you are doing.
3. Self-training
Why: to help change the attitude towards your body and learn to experience sexual pleasure.
Do exercise 2 and say to yourself: “My body is sexy”, “I am sexually attractive”, “I enjoy my sexuality”.
4. Harmony of soul and body
Why: learn to combine physical arousal and emotional pleasure.
Use a vibrator, watch an erotic movie, or fantasize about sexual themes yourself to achieve arousal. Take a break after five minutes. Do exercise 2 to fully tune in to the desired sensation.