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How do men choose friends? What do they talk about when they get together? We decided to find out from them. First person stories.
A young man or an adult man, a free bachelor or a respectable father of a family – regardless of age and status, it is important for men to feel part of the team. First person stories.
“We meet to do business together – our music”
Mikhail, 23 years old (pictured second from left), Ilya, Nikita, Andrey, Boris
“I play the saxophone in several bands, but the Blood Red Lips are a purely male group. Besides, this is where I play with my closest friends. With Borey and Nikita we studied in the same class, they founded a group, and then they called me there. Gradually, other guys also came, and we have been existing in this line-up for two years already. And we play real old rock and roll of the 60s! We usually meet at rehearsals. In fact, rehearsals, and even more so recording in the studio, are not fun, but hard work, sometimes very boring and monotonous. But we have a good company, we are always happy to get together and play, to go on tour somewhere far away … When we rehearse, the most interesting begins in the breaks – we laugh, tell jokes, discuss women. Not that we share the details of our personal lives – no! We’re talking about women in general. And about sex, of course. Still, male friendship is arranged differently. I am a very sociable person, I have many friends – both in the musical party, and not only. But we meet not to “pour out our souls”, but to do some business together. Music is the business.” D.R.
Poker players, kitesurfers*, friends who can’t imagine their life without music, live and real… Whether they are colleagues, neighbors, friends or just party-goers, these people are united by a common interest. “It is very important for men of all ages to feel belonging to a group of like-minded people and to communicate with them,” wrote sociologist Igor Kon**. – Belonging and loyalty to one’s male group is the most important moral value of boys and young men. It is in such groups that a specific code of honor arises, which they look back at, sometimes correcting it, in later life.
Read more:
- How do men make friends?
“There is more to our life than kiting”
Alexey, 35 years old (far right), Mitya, Denis (left)
“Five years ago, my friends and I ended up in Vietnam, where one of the leisure activities, in fact, was kitesurfing. Then we began to travel to Anapa … The more we immersed ourselves in this topic, the more acquaintances we acquired. Now we are all friends and communicate in social networks, we organize events in the style of “Let’s go …”, “Let’s …”. One hundred people are easily added to the event! We are united by a common interest – it is important, otherwise all gatherings would end in a banal booze. But, of course, all one hundred people cannot be equally friendly. I talk to a few guys all the time – such a narrow friendship based on personal interest. With Mitya and Denis, we sometimes cross paths at work, sometimes we get out just to sit, exchange news, listen to each other, discuss something. And it’s good that in our life there is something more than kiting.” E. Sh.
What do they do when they get together? What are they talking about? And why is the company of friends so important to them? Of course, you should not expect that they will begin to retell their conversations … But it is already clear that they are going to do men’s business. “Men have a great need for communication that is closed to women,” continues Igor Kon. – The more noticeable the presence of women in public life, the more men appreciate such activities and entertainment, where they can stay with themselves, feel free, break the rules of etiquette that constrain them, and relax. Give space to aggressive feelings and emotions.
Read more:
- Sex: what men dream about
Whatever the occasion, the main thing is to have a good time. That is why one of the rules in such communities is not to take yourself (and others) too seriously, to look at the world with humor and optimism. And then friendly communication will help to survive domestic difficulties, family troubles or work conflicts … And at the same time maintain peace of mind. Friendship is love without its main component, exchange, but not competition. There is no hierarchy and sex in friendship, which, implicitly or explicitly, implies a relationship of control and subordination, our heroes say. Friendship presupposes freedom, equality and brotherhood. And gives calm faith in yourself.
* Kitesurfing, kiting – riding on the waves on the board using a kite (kite).
** I. Kon “Friendship” (Peter, 2005).
“We are pleased not only to play, but also to communicate”
Ilya, 45 years old (on the stairs in the center), next to him Andrey and Alexey, above: Roman and Serob, on the sofa: Sergey and Felix
“Poker is not the worst activity for a large company, not just to sit down for a beer during men’s conversations about this and that. At first we had a backbone of three people, then friends of friends joined … As a result, a company of the most pleasant people was formed, with whom you want not only to play, but also to communicate: exchange impressions, talk about politics, about women … And about children, by the way: we are here all family people, fathers. We gather every Monday, in the evening, – we extend our weekend. Those who often win are, of course, quietly hated by everyone and very gloating when they finally lose … But this is a joke, of course! We are ironic, we love and protect each other, and we have never reached any harshness. On the contrary, we have a positive and fun here, otherwise no one would have started to play. E. Sh.