It often seems to us that before the trees were taller, the sun was brighter, people were kinder, and in general everything was better. Someone yearns for childhood, someone for the Soviet past, and someone for the person with whom they broke up 10 years ago. Why do we look back so hard?
Plunging into memories of how good it once was, we risk getting stuck in the past. Moreover, often this stuckness prevents us from seeing the positive aspects in the present, distorts perception. That is why the embellishment (idealization) of the past is considered a cognitive distortion.
Over time, we tend to evaluate long-term events more positively than we perceived them when they happened. What is good about this, and what are the disadvantages of this approach?
The benefits
We think more and more abstractly about people, events, places and things in the past. Details are erased from memory, while the overall positive impression remains.
The honeymoon trip of Lera and Sergey was planned as an adventure, but in fact, everything went wrong from the first day. Both fell ill with the flu, had to move from country to country several times with a high fever and runny nose. The rooms they booked turned out to be occupied by someone else, the return flight was canceled. In addition, they had to spend a sleepless night at the airport due to a delay in their return flight (already another airline).
The newlyweds were annoyed due to malaise and overlays, often quarreled and dreamed of returning home as soon as possible. 10 years later, they tell the story of their adventures as an anecdote and believe that the trip was a success no matter what.
The idealization of the past is sometimes good, otherwise we would never have gone on the next journey, would not have decided on a new relationship or the birth of a second, third child after a difficult pregnancy and childbirth. It would be impossible to repeat many activities that bring us pleasure or benefit.
About harm
But embellishing the past also has a negative effect. For example, it can prevent us from making sound, informed decisions. This is one of the reasons why we get back into troubled relationships. The more time has passed after parting, the less we remember quarrels, insults, insults and problems, remembering more often about bright moments of love and intimacy.
Natalya divorced her husband after he cheated on her with a colleague. She could not forgive the betrayal, the marriage broke up. Many years later, after breaking up with another man, she met her ex-husband. Looking at him, she remembered only the love that was between them, the brightest and kindest moments of their relationship. She responded to his proposal to meet – and soon they became lovers. Natalya made plans for the future, until she accidentally found out that her ex was living in a civil marriage with another woman and they had children. And this time, Natalya, who succumbed to nostalgia, turned out to be the mistress …
Therefore, psychologists advise approaching pleasant memories with a grain of salt.
The best, of course, ahead
Well, what about the present – is it really all good and bright already behind?
Many older people like to reminisce about Soviet times. They sincerely think that much was better, people behaved kinder towards each other and fewer crimes were committed.
The truth is that emotions, passions, personality traits of people do not fundamentally change from century to century. And stubborn statistics show that in 2019 the number of murders per 100 people is almost half that of 1979. Living with the conviction that all good things have gone with the passing years is destructive for the psyche.
Research shows our best days are ahead, says psychologist Mark Travers. He refers to data from a project in which experts tracked the trajectory of optimism in people – its changes over time. Interestingly, optimism was at its lowest point at 20 years old, then increased from 30 to 40 years old and reached its peak by the age of fifty.
So no one can stop you from being nostalgic about the past, but don’t forget the cognitive bias and don’t let yourself sink into pessimism. Start every morning by making a promise to yourself to notice the good times and enjoy life as much as you can. Here and now.