As you know, people meet, people fall in love, get married. But what happens at all these stages within a couple and why is one of them the most difficult for partners?
Are you lucky enough to meet the very person you want to spend the rest of your life with? You barely know him or her, but are you sure that this is a kindred spirit? Congratulations, you’re in love and it looks like you’re on your honeymoon stage.
It lasts differently for everyone: for some, three months, for others, a year. But what happens later, when this stage is over?
Real life will happen, ordinary and perhaps boring. With trips to the supermarket and paying bills. The delight of recognition will gradually fade away, romantic dates will be replaced by a common life. If initially there was nothing but “chemistry” between you, you may start to wonder: is this the partner you need?
This is the beginning of the stage of “doubt and parting with illusions.” It can come after six months of a relationship and last up to two years. At this stage, we no longer look at our partner through rose-colored glasses. And he or she finally gives up trying to seem better in order to win us over. We see a person as he is, with all the shortcomings and bad habits.
Soon comes the stage of “decision making” — perhaps the most difficult in the life of a couple. What to do next – stay or leave? To be or not to be together?
At this particular moment, it may seem that you are no longer the same person as before, that he has changed
In this phase, we carefully weigh the pros and cons. Is a partner worth building a relationship with? And they will have to be built: after two years of living together, the magic gradually dissipates. We have to make efforts so that the relationship is the way we want.
Making a decision can be difficult. On the one hand, we absolutely do not want to invest in something that we are not 100% sure of. On the other hand, parting with someone with whom we spent two or three years together is also not easy. It seems that in this case everything was in vain. That time was wasted.
Add to this the memories of how good it was at the beginning. And emotional attachment to a person – after all, you have already experienced so much together … On the other side of the scale – your dissatisfaction with the habits, views and values of a person. And perhaps the lack of common goals and plans for the future. Probably, over time, the partner began to treat you differently, you ceased to be a priority for him.
Making a decision is especially difficult if there are “aggravating circumstances”. For example, a partner has recently lost his job and is experiencing wild stress, or is trying to figure out how to support his family, or is experiencing a mental breakdown. At this particular moment, it may seem that you are no longer the same person as before, that he has changed. But these changes are temporary, caused by external factors.
At this stage, it is especially useful to listen to the signals of the body. How do you feel when you are with your partner?
At the same time, you may be really offended by his or her coping strategy, a way of dealing with stress – for example, if a partner began to take it out on you. At this stage, the voices of friends and loved ones may sound louder. And everyone has their own point of view on what to do next. But the truth is that only you know what is best for you. And even if you don’t know, you don’t “understand with your mind”, then you feel.
At this stage, it is especially useful to listen to the signals of the body. How do you feel when you are with your partner? Comfortable and relaxed or tense? After talking with him or her, do you feel energized or completely exhausted? Are you looking for an opportunity to relax afterwards?
This will tell you what you really need. It depends on your choice what will happen next, whether the relationship will end or the final stage will come – true love. This does not mean that you will never have doubts again. And yet, it will be easier for you to stick to the once chosen course.