Imposter syndrome: where it comes from and how to deal with it

Live according to your desires

There will always be reasons not to allow yourself to actively move towards your goals: not enough experience, colleagues work for less cost, “than I am better than others” … People with impostor syndrome are used to explaining their achievements as just a lucky coincidence. They feel like cheaters, they do not take into account their own qualities, efforts and painstakingly done work, thanks to which they deserve success.

It seems to them that if something happened, then most likely it happened by accident. But it is precisely such thoughts that make a person stop himself all the time when he wants to start a new project, to reveal his potential.

I know a very talented speech therapist. She came to see me in a state of emotional burnout. When we figured out why this happened, it turned out that her schedule was packed with consultations. Asked her if she’d like to raise the price. The teacher admitted that she would like to. But a minute later she returned to the same depressed state and said: “I can’t increase the cost, I have a diploma from a not particularly prestigious university.”

The woman was sure that people would not want to pay more for her work, and therefore she took on additional training courses, instead of stopping devaluing herself. She ignored the fact that people are already coming to see her, and the schedule is scheduled for a month in advance. The idea settled in her mind that she had a non-prestigious education, and a diploma from a good university could be confirmation that she was not an “imposter”.

Recognize and neutralize

Often people of various professions, well educated, with a lot of experience, still feel like students, always use the prefix “non-” and words with its “participation”. Not smart enough, not capable enough of risk, not competent enough. Why does it come out like this?

Of course, the answers to the question must be sought in early childhood. It is at this age that the foundation of the personality is formed, at that time our attitude towards ourselves and the world is laid. After all, the child receives information about himself from the adults around him. For example, a kid brought a drawing to his mother or made something, and she praises him or shows with facial expressions that she recognizes his efforts. And then, as an adult, he more easily accepts his own achievements and believes that everything will work out.

But if the child worked, and they ignored him all the time and said, for example, that “4” is not a grade, then the skill to appreciate one’s efforts will be minimal. There is also the opposite situation, when children are praised for every action, and then they are not able to objectively evaluate their skills, but such people are rarely visited by the impostor syndrome.

Letter from the future

In adulthood, you need to treat yourself, given the reality. Remember that thinking people who do not stand still and develop often encounter this syndrome. And there is nothing to worry about if you learn to notice it in time and support yourself, to be that kind parent for yourself. Deal with your doubts in cold blood, honestly write out all your skills and abilities on a piece of paper. Who you are? What do you have? What experience have you already gained? What else would you like to learn?

Don’t underestimate your accomplishments. But it’s also not worth considering yourself a guru in everything, if this is not the case – this can become a brake on professional development and even turn into a traumatic experience if someone nearby turns out to be more knowledgeable in the matter.

There is one effective technique called “Letter from the Future”. Imagine yourself as a person in your 80s or 90s. But not just elderly, but a wise old man or old woman. The way you would like to be in old age. Write a question to this old man or old woman: “How can I live? How to stop being afraid? How do you deal with impostor syndrome? Ask for advice, guidance. Tell us about your life, about yourself. Begin by saying, “My dear, I hear that you are now … and I understand how difficult it can be for you, because of this … and you certainly have the right to … and deserve to … I want to give you this advice: …!”⠀

Start writing and write whatever comes to mind. You will be surprised what the result will be. Don’t be afraid to feel as you pour words onto paper. Try to imagine what you look like at 90, what is your lifestyle, what do you do, what is your character? Write down your answer from the future. And soon you will realize that you deserve success, and the impostor syndrome will stop bothering you.