“I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible”
At 23 weeks pregnant, Caroline gave birth to a lifeless little girl …
My pregnancy is progressing normally, but, strangely, I feel that something is wrong …
Echoing the 21 weeks, I have the “brilliant” idea of bringing my 7-year-old son with me to give him an experience that I know will be unforgettable. But I do not know then in what sense it will be unforgettable.
The doctor tells me it’s a girl… I so hoped! Then, suddenly, he sees his left femur: it forms a 90 ° angle. I am in shock.
My partner and I have our genetics appointment two days later. We walk into the doctor’s office, the diagnosis is made: our baby is suffering from “glass bone” disease. Children with it have so fragile bones that passing through the vagina during childbirth causes multiple fractures. I am given the choice: give birth right away or give birth to a stillborn child… At the very moment, we have the impression that a bus is throwing itself on us.
I decide to give birth as soon as possible, feeling unable to last for weeks, feeling my baby move, knowing that he will not survive. The termination of pregnancy is first scheduled seven days later, then postponed to the following week. I wait for this day like a condemned woman. I’m at the end of the line, I want to get it over with as soon as possible.
I finally gave birth to a baby girl, 23 weeks pregnant. It weighs 365 grams. Doctors tell us that it is important for our grieving process that we spend time with her… which we did.
Today I am 13 weeks pregnant again. My pregnancy is a taboo subject so it should be a wonderful time! But fear paralyzes me and prevents me from softening myself… This is where I am.
Caroline, mother of baby Rosalie