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Erotic fantasies are a reflection of our hidden and explicit desires. All that we lack so much, even if we do not suspect it. What might the most popular of them mean? The sexologist deciphers the fantasies of our readers and explains how they can be realized.
18+
Yaroslava, 27 years old
“I want gentle, soft sex, when a man barely touches my body. His touch is light, barely perceptible. They excite me. At the same time, the man is talking to me: he asks what I like, what I want. It looks like he wants to get into my brain. He touches between the legs and slowly runs his fingers along the clitoris and below. I get excited. Everything happens so naturally, as if we have known each other for a long time.
Sexologist’s comment
Pay attention to the phrase: “Everything happens naturally, as if we have known each other for a long time.” What can she tell us? About a girl’s dream of an ideal lover, a partner who is able to guess her desires.
Most likely, Yaroslava lacks mutual understanding with a partner in sex. This may be due to both the inattention and selfishness of a man, and the fact that a girl does not know how to talk about her desires. Or maybe he’s just embarrassed to talk about intimate things.
What to do?
If you have such fantasies, then the best solution is to tell your partner about your needs for sex. Try to do it as accurately as possible, and not just verbally. And best of all, do not just tell, but show the man where to touch and how. Let him know exactly how the touch should be in terms of duration and intensity.
How to tell your partner about your fantasies
- Mentally imagine your sexual fantasy, how you realize it. And ask yourself how much you want it.
- Think about how the realization of your fantasy will affect the relationship and personally for you.
- Watch a movie with a similar sexual plot with your partner and watch his reaction.
- Tell about your friends’ experiences. For example: “I recently found out that my friends have tried so-and-so, what do you think of their experience?”
- If you are confident enough in your partner, immediately show what you would like.
- Or, first ask your partner what desires he has in sex, and then move on to your fantasy.
Catherine, 44 of the year
“Having sex with my husband, I often imagined sexual intercourse with a sweaty, muscular worker – a plumber, a locksmith. In general, with a primitive man who works with his hands. His smell, rough hands in calluses. And he’s naked under his overalls. Once I had the opportunity to realize my dream, but I was afraid that my husband would suddenly return. And then we divorced, and the fantasy stopped bothering me.”
Sexologist’s comment
Catherine used her sexual fantasy to increase arousal during sex with her husband. The hypertrophied brutal image of the worker compensated for the lack of masculinity of the spouse. Such a popular sexual fantasy is a sign of dissatisfaction with a partner.
What to do?
If you often imagine brutal men in your fantasies, try playing out this fantasy in a role-playing game. Let the partner put on the overalls of the worker, enter the image. And if for some reason this is not possible, look for signs of a male gender role in your partner’s behavior. After all, for some reason you paid attention to this particular man, chose him from thousands of other strangers. And they built a relationship with him.
Often we are disappointed in a partner, having inflated, unrealistic expectations about a relationship. And of course, if the gap between you cannot be bridged on your own, it makes sense to seek the help of a professional.
Anastasia, 32 years old
“We are in a hotel room. He slowly undresses me in silence. Then he takes her by the hand and without a word leads to the bathroom. There I see a bath filled with foam and rose petals. How nice! He holds me with one hand, helping me lower myself into the water. With his other hand, he takes out a fragrant gel.
Slowly, he rubs the gel over my body, washing me from the bottom up, from the feet to the top of my head. And continues to be silent. At some point, I close my eyes and just surrender to his gentle hands. He helps me up, wraps me in a fluffy towel and hugs me. Then carefully wipes my body. This excites me even more. He is still silent.
We go to the room. There he puts me on the bed. And in complete silence we have slow sex. I let him do whatever he wants with me.”
Sexologist’s comment
This is a common dream of parental care: the girl is bathed, dried, as if she were a baby. She is passive. And only the man is active in sex. This is a fantasy about the ideal mother, about intimacy with her. Also, fantasy indicates that a woman lacks care for her body. She may miss touching, unhurried massage, intimate caresses.
What to do?
This sexual fantasy tells you that you need to take care of yourself in every possible way. Do not forget about your body, nor about your emotions and mental state. Caring for the physical and spiritual in this case are equally important to you.
For example, take a day just for yourself at the spa. Or ask a partner to take care of you and tell you how best to do it. Make time for yourself, immerse yourself in your pleasant experiences and do whatever you want.
About expert
Elena Malakhova – Sexologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist, clinical psychologist, full member of the Professional Association of Sexologists, lecturer at the International Academy of Sexology, author of the books The Right to Sex, Psychoanalysis of Sexual Fantasies. Her .