One of my friends often repeats the phrase: “You know, I am a calm and very reserved person…” I have learned to listen to this introduction calmly, although I myself have long been convinced that my friend is nervous and quick-tempered.
My friend sincerely says, «You know I’m never late.» In twenty years, I remember two times when he really was not late, and one when he arrived early. I myself recently caught myself saying, describing an unpleasant film experience, I say: “You know, I am a very friendly and unbiased viewer, but …” I caught it — and immediately realized that this was probably not true.
Our ideas about ourselves are incredibly different from the ideas about us around us. We constantly forget that the logic of our actions is unknown to anyone but ourselves. Moreover, our own intentions for our «I» become the same indisputable fact as embodied actions, but only for him. And we are bitterly surprised why the world does not take into account our impulses, does not take them into account, and it seems to us unfair.
So you think with tenderness and concern for someone: “How is she there? Is she all right? Has she finally dealt with her crazy Pasha? Did she go to the endocrinologist, as I told her? She’s still cute and stupid.» If you think like this, your heart is good, you took care of the person, showed your love and interest. And she went on with her business. And then this someone calls you and says: “Well, mother, you have completely abandoned your friends — you don’t call, you don’t come, you’re not interested in me at all.” What is it?! Just a monstrous misunderstanding, insulting to tears!
See yourself not only from the inside, in thoughts and dreams, but also as others see you
A loved one is stuck somewhere and everything does not go and does not go. And his phone is off. And you wait and wait. And you already start to worry, then get angry, then it seems that he always lied to you, then you think that there is no strength to live with this scoundrel, then you just see that he is lying somewhere — robbed and unconscious … In general when he enters the house, he is greeted with a nervous fit. And this heartless animal barks in response that he had a lot of work, and the phone was dead and is it possible for at least one evening without a scandal. That is, you were worried about him here, going crazy, and he calls it a scandal! The most disgusting thing is that he is absolutely right.
A person becomes an adult when he truly gets to know himself. When you begin to understand what you can expect from yourself, and what is not worth it. When he learns to see himself not only as he is inside, in his thoughts and dreams, but as others see him. It’s sad to be disillusioned with yourself. To know that you have not become punctual, restrained, benevolent, fair. But if you know this about yourself, if you accept it, then you will accept other people’s shortcomings with sympathy and condescension. Because everyone didn’t become someone, everyone didn’t succeed, everyone inside was beautiful and tried very hard.