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“If your partner asks you for time to think if he loves you, he doesn’t do it”
Couple
The psychologist and expert in couple relations Lidia Alvarado indicates that after that request for “time” there is a decision already made that the person does not dare to communicate due to fear or insecurity
How many times, throughout our lives, have we heard that so and so and little men have not left each other, «they have taken time». And in these cases, we each have an opinion: they distance themselves to see if they really miss each other; They need to put land in between to give the relationship a chance; it is a badly said goodbye and that is why they call it time; They do not know how to give up and they make that excuse … Innumerable meanings for an attitude that is increasingly fashionable, and that psychologists are very clear about its meaning.
“Behind the words” I need time “is hidden” I want to leave the relationship “, but many people have certain insecurities and fear
to break overnight and what they need is a process in which what they ask for time for themselves, to close that relationship and detach from that person with whom they are “, explains Lidia Alvarado, psychologist and expert in couples’ relationships. While many people are determined and know how to leave a relationship the moment they feel like itOthers procrastinate that decision and the way to feel more secure is to ask the partner for some time away. «Asking for time is wanting to give the feeling of confusion in feelingsBut behind this apparent confusion there is a decision already made whose person does not dare to communicate due to fear or insecurity and thus gradually distancing himself from that person little by little ”, says the expert.
But far from being a determining time to realize how much you miss the other party in the relationship, it serves to distance yourself more and more and accelerate an easy breakup. «It does not serve to clarify feelings, or to love the person more. If those feelings are in doubt, it is because they have changed or do not exist. That time you give yourself is not going to help clarify it; It serves, in any case, to distance oneself and that communication is lost and there is not a breakdown overnight ”, clarifies Lidia Alvarado. So, as the psychologist says, If your partner tells you that he needs time to think if he loves you, it is that he does not love you because love does not obey the analysis: “The feeling of love for someone is felt or not, it is not necessary to think about it.”
It is useful for something?
And you will be remembering those relationships in which there was a time and after a few weeks they returned and your mind thinks that in the end, love always wins … Lidia Alvarado knows how it works: «Sometimes couples who take time and they return they do it more for the need not to be alone than for the love of each other». But don’t think that “taking time” is wasted time … Nothing to see. According to the psychologist, it can be useful to detach from that person, to distance oneself emotionally and also physically and thus the breakup will not be so painful: “If we do not see each other, that emotional distancing is much easier. By not seeing that person, little by little that duel of not missing her develops, so it helps to better cope with the break, “he says.
A toxic pattern
In the opinion of the psychologist Lidia Alvarado, if a person tells his partner to take time out, he is sending a subliminal message: he does not want to be with her and he does not have any feelings. «If he has doubts, it is that he clearly does not love you. Love is binary: I love you or I do not love you, you cannot love half, “he says.
But if at any time you have to face these words, the psychologist and expert in couple relationships is clear about what the solution has to be: each one on their own. «The person who waits for his partner to decide whether he loves you or does not love you is the one who is in the worst place because you cannot give the other person the power to love you. It is necessary to make it clear to the other part of the relationship that if it breaks, no door is left open for when they decide to return. You have to rebuild your life, get to know other people and not wait for people who think they want to be with us ”, advises Lidia Alvarado.
However, in this situation not everyone is seen because self-love and self-esteem have a lot to do with deciding whether to accept that time that is offered to us. «Those who are self-confident, with high self-esteem, without the need to be in relationships and who are not afraid of being alone do not really trust that this will be solved because perfectly interpret what is behind those words and they know that what they really mean is “I have doubts about the relationship,” says psychologist Alvarado. They look to their advantage and do not accept these decisions. “On the other hand, people with low self-esteem or who say that their life ends if they break up with other people, are those who do not assume that they do not love you and feel that the relationship has not ended and hope for a second chance” , concludes.