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You have been friends with this person for a long time, but now you suddenly realized that you want more. Is it worth risking and sacrificing a strong friendship for the chance of a romantic relationship? Lawyer Wendy Patrick believes that the possible consequences must first be assessed. Psychologist Andrei Gusev commented on her arguments.
Movie-like stories like When Harry Met Sally happen in real life too. They were friends for many years, until they suddenly found themselves in the same bed, announced their engagement, got married. Well, if the passion is mutual. Trusting friendships can be a solid foundation for a romantic story.
But if the surging feelings are unrequited? Wanting something more can destroy the strongest friendship. Is it worth it to find out the chances of reciprocity? How to carefully «test the ground»?
You need to consider the possible consequences if a friend does not reciprocate or your love story is not as successful as a friendship.
you work together
Colleagues can get into an awkward situation if the relationship does not work out, you have to see each other every day at work. In addition, the whole team will probably know about your relationship. Someone will not miss the opportunity to discuss how you tried to mix business and pleasure. Are you ready to become the topic of conversation near the cooler or at dinner?
Do you live next door
Many relationships arise «on a geographical basis», we are attracted to everything familiar. We trust people with whom we often communicate. But the awkwardness between former partners will negatively affect not only the lovers themselves, but also the rest of the neighbors. Questions like “Which of the failed couple should I invite to a party or picnic?” What could be worse than watching an ex-partner bring new candidates to his heart?
Romantic projections and self-fulfilling prophecies
If one of the friends feels attracted to the other and shows sympathy, the second after a while often begins to experience similar feelings. As a result, relationships can transform into romantic ones. But the pattern works only if both people initially considered each other sexually attractive.
Former friends don’t match each other on the outside
There are very beautiful couples in which each of the partners outwardly complements the other. But not everyone looks like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and they are no longer together. Some unions seem inharmonious and cause surprise: «What did he find in her?» or «How could she fall in love with someone like that?» Often such relationships begin with friendship.
People tend to choose partners who are somewhat similar to them: according to external data, some character traits or behavior. Couples who fell in love at first sight are usually more “suited” to each other outwardly. Those who have known each other for a long time, over time, fell in love with some unique features in the other, not related to physical beauty.
Friends forever?
Whether or not to try to build a romantic relationship with a longtime friend is a personal choice that should be seriously considered in order to assess the possible adverse circumstances. If the love union does not work out, the chances of reviving the former friendship are minimal.
«He who does not take risks does not drink champagne at his own wedding»
“More recently, the value of love was so high that few people bothered to calculate the risks,” says psychologist Andrey Gusev. “But times are changing. The risks that the author of the article writes about make you think: is it really about love?
Usually, few people manage to avoid the phase of romantic falling in love, when even the oldest friends are blown away. Actually, this is how they understand that feelings have changed. Waking up in the same bed after a corporate party has almost nothing to do with the symptoms of suddenly awakened love. If you are still determined to approach the issue from a pragmatic point of view, here is useful information that is really worth focusing on. Not so long ago, psychologists identified four factors that make a family strong. In the first place — a common worldview, in the second — the same gastronomic tastes, in the third — sex, in the fourth — the desire to touch each other.
Not surprisingly, people in the same profession often have the strongest relationships. As an example, several successful unions of doctors and lawyers come to mind, which complement each other remarkably not only in the family, but also in a joint business.
By the way, due diligence helps not to dedicate colleagues to the details of your relationship before you figure it out yourself. And with the problem of “which of the former partners to invite to a picnic”, adult neighbors may well cope on their own.
Moreover, recently some companies have begun to encourage romance between employees, as this has a positive effect on their productivity.
So do not forget: who does not take risks does not drink champagne at his own wedding!