Contents
If you fake orgasm often, this can happen to you
Gender
The sexologist and therapist, Eva Moreno, explains in “My desire depends on me” the keys to stimulate sexual desire
Messages are often thrown about what women have to feel, how much they have to enjoy, and how many orgasms they can achieve. However, as the sexologist and therapist Eva Moreno explains in her book «My desire depends on me», in reality the sexual desire of women has been the object of a Bad interpretation Well, as he says, “it has been theorized about the intention to correct it, but not to understand it.”
The author, who was also the founder in 1999 of her own business under the brand name «Tapersex», tries to contribute with this publication a manual on sexuality that helps women to give visibility to the aspects that interfere in the sexual desire, to find their own change towards that desire, to get rid of guilt, to empower their body from knowledge, to deepen the relationship between desire and emotional health and to work the emotions that lead to the sexual desert. And all this from an analytical perspective and connected to reality: “If you hope to find a magic formula that will turn you into the wild woman you have always wanted to be, you better not continue reading,” he clarifies in his book.
There is no wish magically
For Eva Moreno it is important that an important concept is clear: sexuality is imperfect. “We have idealized sexuality. They tell us about the intensity of the orgasms, frequency perfect, from duration necessary, of the stance more effective … All that neither exists nor works. What’s more, all that is what sexual desire can charge. When we begin to remove weight from all those things that constrain it and we free ourselves of all those burdens, is when we allow the passage to the appearance of sexual desire, “he argues.
Cultivating sexuality is a process that you have to dedicate time to, both alone and as a couple. “We must listen to each other, get to know each other, explore ourselves, take time to love our body and our genitality. And then it is also important to tell the couple what we have discovered about ourselves and what we would like to explore with them and about them », proposes Eva Moreno, who explains that, if there is not a good connection with the body, there won’t be a good connection with pleasure.
Why is orgasm faked?
For many people, as Eva Moreno warns, sex has become an obligation or something in which it is necessary to “sign” or “cover the file” and not something that can be experienced in a pleasant, enriching way and that also it helps to make us feel more autonomous, independent and even powerful. Then, Is it common to fake orgasms? “Yes, it is something that continues to happen unfortunately,” says the author of “My desire depends on me”, who is also concerned about the consequences that this practice can have on a woman if she does it often.
On the one hand, the therapist affirms that the main deceived is precisely the person who pretends because he is lying to himself and that, on an emotional level, this lie is a form of disassociate yourself from your partner. «You are deceiving him because you are not telling him that you do not enjoy yourself, or because you do not dare to tell him that you want to do other things or that what you do bores you or does not excite you. And that does not bring you closer to your partner, but it takes you away, “he explains. And, on the other hand, the fact of not doing everything possible to enjoy a orgasm (“With the psychological, emotional and physical benefits that it entails,” she adds) makes, according to the expert, a person reduces their sexual and emotional health. “Showing something that goes against what you are really feeling has an emotional price,” he says.
And on the other hand, the sexologist explains that this way of acting means that we are denying ourselves the ability to enjoy even though, according to her, it is actually not so difficult to feel pleasure if we are able to really connect with what we are doing (and not with the millions of thoughts and worries we have on a daily basis) and we speak to the couple honestly. «Why not tell him that you can get tired and worried, but that with a little help and play you can become active and that you would love to achieve it? From the empathy and the channels it may be possible that both of you put all the tools at your fingertips so that there is no lie in the sexual encounter », proposes Eva Moreno.
Activators of desire
Why do I sometimes not feel like it? The expert insists that the desire does not come from heaven nor does it appear by magic, but that it is something that has to be worked on. It is true that, as he comments, there may be something that motivates us or that manages to ignite the spark such as a look, a caress, a touch, a tickle … But if that person has not looked at you all day, he does not listen to you when you talk, he does not care about you, he does not attend to your requests or knows what you like and he has not had any gesture of complicity with you in a long time, it is likely that there is no spark that is worth to light that bonfire of desire. “You don’t wake up with just one thing, it has to do with a set of many things. Everyone has to discover their own sexual springs But, in general terms, the issues that activate and deactivate desire have a lot to do with communication, first with ourselves and then with how we get it to the other person, ”he says. Thus, humor, empathy and complicity are activators of desire, and indifference, reproach, mistrust or lies are “desire killers”.