Contents
If you don’t feel like having sex, this may be happening to you
Couple
The lack of sexual appetite can have psychological causes and communication is the key to reactivate the desire
“Saturday, saturday” arrives and … nothing? Some couples may turn their sexual intercourse in something exceptional, but not with the meaning of “extraordinary or privileged”, but rather with the first definition included in the RAE: “Which forms an exception to the generality or the common rule.” Or, to put it another way and using set phrases, some couples have sex “from grapes to pears” or “from figs to figs.”
Perhaps when evaluating this issue, the frequency but rather the need to give priority or a preferential place to that form of communication of the couple because, as Silvia Sanz, psychologist and sexologist explains, intimate experiences are “the glue of a relationship.” Sex, he says, involves communicating with other means than the word and is just what differentiates a relationship of friends from a more intimate union. That is why when there is a lack of sexual desire in a couple, the expert advises analyzing why it has occurred.
Companies that causes can be organic or biological I psychological . In addition, it is also necessary to differentiate if it is a temporary loss of desire or if it is rather a total absence of desire (regardless of the person, the circumstance or the situation). The expert thus analyzes the most frequent psychological causes and provides a possible solution for each of them:
Stress: It doesn’t give me life!
Task overload, limited time, overwork, childcare, housework, family commitments … «When we feel that we have more demands than time or resources to cope with them, the Stress and desire hides, “he explains. Some symptoms of stress such as irritability, exhaustion or sleep problems mean that we do not look for space or time for enjoyment.
How to solve it: Prioritize the areas of your life that you are leaving aside as everything that helps you take care of yourself and pamper yourself. This will help improve sexual relations, as your stress will be less and you will have the capacity to give them the space and time they deserve.
I had bad experiences
Sexuality is in the cabeza and if at any time we have had bad experiences those regards they can generate discomfort instead of excitement and condition sexual life. And the same happens with the lack of sex education or the persistence of misconceptions about sex that link it to something “dirty” or “taboo.”
How to solve it: Find out about sexuality issues and open your mind. If you have had bad experiences, discuss it with your partner or ask a psychologist or therapist for help to help you understand why and how it affects you.
I don’t know my body well
If in every sexual encounter you feel frustration Failure to reach orgasm and this becomes obsessive can affect sexual desire. Although, as the expert explains, orgasm is not the goal of a sexual relationship, this obsession can affect concentration or even future sexual encounters.
How to solve it: Discovering and knowing the genitalia better and knowing what is enjoyed and what is not enjoyed is essential to achieve the orgasmwith partner.
I assume the role of the spectator
The expert reveals that this of paying attention to what the other thinks (the role of the spectator) occurs more frequently in women than in men. Sometimes some people are so aware of how the other sees us during sexual intercourse that they do not allow themselves to enjoy the experience.
How to solve it: Focus on the pleasure. It does not matter if that posture makes you less attractive or if it shows that you have gained weight. Having sex with the lights off is a mistake because the visual part of sex is rich and frequent (especially from the male sphere). «Little by little you will gain confidence, but begin to expose yourself. Without complex. Love yourself », advises Silvia Sanz.
I do not reveal what I like
Although some people find it uncomfortable to talk about what they like in bed, the expert says that the channels it is the only way to achieve a satisfying sexual relationship. You are responsible for your own pleasure. If your partner does not know your needs, it will be difficult to meet them, “he explains.
How to solve it: Guide your partner without demands with your hand so that he knows what makes you enjoy the most, celebrate the successes by expressing how much you like him and discover your erotic areas.
In short, the expert proposes that each one takes responsibility for their pleasure, getting to know your body better, considering how you would like your sexual relations to be and, finally, communicating it to your partner. “It is therapeutic and very erotic to talk about sexual preferences and tastes. In fact, there are studies that show that those people who talk about sex with their partners practice it more, are more orgasmic and feel more pleasure than those who do not communicate in this sense, “he says.
psychological causes
- Stress and daily problems
- Different expressions of the desire for eroticism that block the relationship.
- Prejudices or false myths about sex that cause anxiety or dissatisfaction
- Negative feelings towards one’s own body
- Unresolved problems in the relationship
biological causes
- Hormonal: low androgen levels or hypothyroidism
- Consumption of certain medications: antidepressants (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), antihormines, antihypertensives or chemotherapy.
- Intake of alcohol and other drugs