Psychologists are wise people who can be very helpful to you. More precisely: psychologists are wise people, and you may hear something important from them if you can get it from them. Asking questions to psychologists is a separate science, you also need to be able to do this!
Be prepared to pay for your questions. A real specialist will not do real work “for no reason”. If you want to work with you, you will need to pay for it. First, pay with your serious attitude and your willingness to work. Second, money.
If you didn’t turn on your head and just dump your feelings in the question, they won’t work with you, because you didn’t treat yourself or the psychologist with respect. And with respect — it means they turned on the head and formulated the question so that it was understandable.
If you think that a stranger is ready to work with you simply because he is a psychologist, then this is not so. The psychologist paid money to get a professional education, and if your soul is broken, then you come to him for the repair of your soul. There are many tricks by which people try to get help from a psychologist for free, but specialists are usually familiar with them and do not fall for them: a typical list is attached here.
In addition, there are things about which it makes no sense to ask a psychologist. «I’m afraid of something all the time. What is the reason for this? where do you get these thoughts from???» — these are bad questions, a good psychologist will not answer them. If you have a burned-out chip on your TV, no one will answer you why this happened to you. You will have it replaced, and that’s all you need. Never ask psychologists what is the reason for what is happening to you. A smart psychologist will not answer such questions, and you do not need to listen to the theories of non-specialists.
“My friend and I spent the night together, but he didn’t have sex. In the morning he invited to meet, but never called. Why?» — Do not ask why people unknown to the consultant behave this way. Your job is to take care of yourself.
When you write to a psychologist about your problems, you usually only think about yourself and your problems. But if you want a psychologist to be interested in your letter and to respond to it in some way, think about the person who will read your letter. If you are writing to a psychologist, write well. Self-respecting psychologists do not read letters to the end, where there are many spelling and other errors. Why? This speaks of a low culture of a person and disrespect for the one to whom he writes. I don’t want to work with these people.
Therefore, if you have errors, write your text first in Word and check the spelling. Put spaces after periods and commas, start new sentences with a capital letter, and so on. Please don’t be lazy, it’s necessary.
When you complain about your problems, do not press on emotions, give more specific information. Describe the problem in detail
Hello, my marriage is bursting at the seams, help with advice please! (author’s punctuation retained).
Here you have not written anything, your situation is not clear to the psychologist, no one will answer you. If you describe the situation, give your vision of solutions, the pros and cons of each solution, and with an analysis of both immediate and long-term consequences, you will be taken more seriously. It is best if your request for help is prepared …
When you have described your problem, formulate your request. Set a goal, set goals. Problems are different: you are afraid of something, you are touchy, you made certain mistakes and now you don’t know what to do … Everything is so, your feelings are understandable, but if you just described your problem, nothing is clear to another person here.
What would you like? Forget this problem? Accept what happened? Something to change? What exactly?
It is not enough to write what you want to get rid of. What do you want to get as a result?
“I want to get rid of self-doubt…” What do you want? Learning to speak in front of large audiences? Learn to meet on the street? Add a sense of confidence? — Formulate your request specifically and positively.
Pay attention to this again: «Formulate what you want — not in a negative, but in a positive.» Of the 10 letters that come with a request for a consultation, 9 contain a request in a negative form: “how to get rid of, how to stop, how to stop, how not to pay attention …” As a rule, psychologists answer such questions last: for specialists, this is a clear sign that in front of him is an uneducated person and very difficult work lies ahead.
Forget the phrases “how to get rid of, how to stop, how to stop, how not to pay attention …” — then they will begin to answer you and you will get rid of a bunch of problems in your life.
During the consultation, this will be the first thing you will encounter — you will be asked what you want.
Do you want to get rid of to start living like? Do you want to stop doing this to start doing what? Do you want to stop smoking for what purpose, to become what and live in what way? You want to ignore the barbs of colleagues — and what do you want to pay attention to? What is dear to you in your work, what do you strive for? You will be asked this question over and over again.
Do not write what you are afraid of or what you want to get rid of. Write what you want to get, what you need, what you are striving for, write it all in a positive way.
How detailed and heartfelt the psychologist will answer you depends largely on the style of your writing. There are letters that you really want to answer. How to write such letters, how to ask such questions? Let’s agree: the style of your presentation is respect for the interlocutor and objectivity towards yourself without unnecessary pity, write to the point. Great sympathy is caused by letters where a person, even in a difficult situation for him, has the strength for light humor. So he’s still alive!
State your problem right now. For example: «I want to consult whether I made the right decision.» Clearly, detailed, but without unnecessary feelings and distractions, describe the situation. Describe how you have already tried to solve it, who you have contacted, what you have read, what you have already tried yourself.
It’s great if you write that you get something. If nothing works out for you, it means that you put pressure on pity, did not try anything, or are simply inattentive …
Now: are you ready to do something about your problem yourself? Are you ready to come for consultations or trainings? Read the necessary literature, do certain homework? Yes, be sure to write what city you are from and what opportunities you have: communicate via Skype, how often you can come for personal consultations and necessary trainings.
And the last thing: what do you want from a psychologist and how are you ready to pay for his work. That is, write to the point and seriously, as you address a lawyer, surgeon or locksmith …