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How to cope with the loss of a loved one? How to relieve mental pain? It seems to be impossible. We plunge into the abyss of sadness, at the same time defending it from the outside world and blaming it for everything that we are forced to feel. But what would sadness answer us if it could?
How to get rid of sadness? How to overcome it? We are accustomed to attribute this feeling to those that lie on the heart as a heavy stone. But it’s not. Sadness helps us survive.
Author Monica Meinehan leads yoga therapy groups for bereaved people. And she wrote a story from the face of sadness, so that we think about the nature of this feeling.
If sorrow could speak, it would tell us…
1. “I’m sorry, forgive me”
I’m sorry I showed up on your doorstep instead of love, but I’m made of it too.
Because just because you have a lot of love, I am able to hurt you when you lose someone who is dear to you.
2. “You can survive”
I know you think you can’t. I know that now the ground is slipping from under your feet. I know that a part of you died with someone dear to you. I know life can sometimes be meaningless without the one who’s gone.
And I know that you will survive. One breath, one minute, day after day.
3. “Please don’t hide me”
I know people will feel embarrassed when they see me with you. Your friends are lost and don’t know what to say. I know it’s easier for you to hide me when guests come and sit down at the table. But I would also like to be with you.
Will you let me speak? Will you listen to me?
I can’t promise that I’ll be calm and polite. I can speak loudly because I have anger in me. I might burst into tears – but if I do, I won’t have to look for places to hide it all inside you. I would like to create more space there, inside, for all of us, so that we can be close and coexist. You, me, love, anger, laughter, peace, hope, joy… For all of us there is a place in your heart.
4. “I love you. You may not love me, but I love you”
I love you for being able to love so much. That you continue to care for your children who have lost a parent. You continue to care about the image of the one you loved, and about his memory, even if he has already passed away.
How you leave his favorite book on the table, leave his things neatly stacked, how you let your loved ones live longer with you in the things they left behind.
What I love about you is that you don’t let the world forget that they were here, that they mattered, that they are part of you. I love you.
5. “Find your way”
Out there, there are many experts who know everything about me. They will say: I have stages, they need to go through – as if I am something that needs to be cured, like the flu.
I am not a disease, I am what I am. Sadness. Part of your life, very important, and there is no right or wrong way to test me. There is only one way – yours.
Different people experience me differently. No two are the same. Let’s find our way to cry together and heal wounds together. Your own path in this short beautiful life.