Ideal relationships: how to live happily ever after

The film was created by “he” – Nicolas Bedos, who made his debut as a director, and “she” – screenwriter Doria Tillier. They also played the main roles.

This is not a sugary melodrama: a 45-year-long story is shown with all the difficulties of a relationship between a man and a woman: jealousy and betrayal, quarrels and reconciliations, wealth and poverty, a problem with alcohol and drugs, a child’s illness and, finally, a common enemy – old age …

Despite many years and many difficulties, Victor and Sarah remain together. What is the secret of the success of the family union?

The Importance of Family Value

Desire to start a family and save marriage. Love in itself does not imply a desire and readiness to marry, especially since in our time different formats of relationships are possible.

The desire to have a family should ripen like a fruit, it is useless to rush a partner or impose your system of values. Forced marriages – due to pregnancy, for the sake of registration or financial settlement, from the obligation “to get married / get married” – are rarely successful.

Victor and Sarah were lucky – they both wanted to start a family and have children.

Initial match

The more similarities, the easier it is to be together. Differences are a risk factor, a time bomb that can explode at any moment. And here the coincidence is not more important than external circumstances (social status, material wealth), but personal characteristics: intelligence and erudition, ideas about “what is good and what is bad”, sense of humor, etc. It is important that the partners were interested in talking together and that it was possible to be silent together.

Initially, Victor and Sarah have a lot in common: he writes books, and she writes a dissertation in literature. They have similar interests and social circles. They have something to talk about, they understand each other’s humor. This is a good foundation for a relationship.

Willingness to negotiate

There is no absolute coincidence between a man and a woman, if only because he is a man, and she is a woman. And there is something that is more important than coincidence: the desire to negotiate about discrepancies. Of course, mutual, otherwise it will be a one-sided game.

Now there are more and more interethnic marriages, with a language barrier, a difference in traditions … If partners respect each other and are ready to find compromises, difficulties can be overcome.

Over the years, Victor and Sarah turn a blind eye to each other’s shortcomings, forgive and know how to see the best in a partner.

General plans for the future

It is important to coincide not only in the present, but also in the future. Not only “look together in the same direction,” but go in the same direction. If each goes in his own direction, the union will break. It is no coincidence that an anecdote arose: “Nothing holds a marriage together like a joint mortgage.”

For the heroes of the film, this is not a mortgage, but literary creativity. It is not so important what goal the partners choose, the main thing is that it be common.

“Circle of Positive” and “Circle of Negativity”

“Vicious circles” arise in relationships: “If you are with me like this, then I am with you like that.” The action of one causes a response in the other, and it again causes a reaction in the first, and so on. It can be a “circle of positivity”: the exchange of gifts, care, pleasant surprises … It is important to increase the “circle of positivity” in relationships: in response to the kindness of a partner, show even greater kindness. Then the exchange of positive will increase, cementing the union and increasing marriage satisfaction.

But the unwittingly emerging “circles of negativity” need to be reduced. If a partner has hurt, there is no need to respond to him in the same way, to take revenge, this does not restore justice, but destroys the relationship. Just imagine, your partner accidentally knocked over a cup of hot coffee on you. And now what, pour hot tea on him? ..

Of course, it is impossible to ignore the pain caused. But it is important to deal with it correctly: there is a technique of “compensation”, when the offending party compensates for its guilt in some way – in the way that the partners agreed about it. For example, gives a massage, buys a favorite treat, etc.

Revenge brings satisfaction in the present, but destroys the common future.

There is an episode in the film when Victor succumbs to jealousy and takes revenge on Sarah in a sophisticated way: in order to insult and humiliate her, he gives her a birthday night with a man engaged in prostitution. This mistake leads to a break for several years, and it costs him great effort to get his wife back.

Frankly, I’m afraid of films that are 2 hours long. But there was no need to regret the lost time: the film is dynamic, funny and touching at the same time. The viewer can cry, laugh, but is unlikely to be bored.