Autonomy and the feeling that we ourselves make important decisions are absolutely necessary for us to fulfill ourselves. However, many of us feel like prisoners of our daily routine, as if we are not in control of our lives. How can you change the situation and regain control?
“I have to go to work”, “I have to spend hours in a crowded subway”…
When we perceive everything that happens to us in this way, our actions are subject to the so-called external motivation: they are the result of various restrictions.
When such actions begin to dominate our lives, it consumes our energy, reduces life satisfaction and leads to an impoverishment of life experience.
An exercise
Psychologist Ilios Kotsu suggests that for a month instead of “I have to” and “I have to” say: “I do this in order to …”.
These are not just words: they are a way to take a fresh look at your daily activities. Although our choices are often limited by many factors, such as our social and economic position, this formulation allows us to remind ourselves why we do this and that (and explore our motivation for doing so).
Doing something under compulsion or with the knowledge that we are performing an important action for ourselves (for example, aimed at improving the well-being of the family or social cohesion) is a big difference.
By being creative, we can reduce our suffering: so, spending an hour on the subway, why not meditate or pay more attention to your neighbors in the car?
Personal experience
Sofia, 32, municipal worker
“Recently, work has become harder: long hours in transport, administrative issues, social tension …
Starting to say “I do this to…”, I regained control of the situation. I started paying attention to everyone I talk to. I learned to see the individuality of everyone, understand working relationships and make them a little more joyful – just like the life coach that I dream of becoming.
Having a positive attitude helped me prepare for the retraining.”
About expert
Ilios Kotsou is a positive psychologist and author of In Praise of Insight (Éloge de la lucidité, Robert Laffont, 2014). More on it .