“I was beaten as a child”: how to let go of old grievances?

Some parents believe that corporal punishment is necessary to raise a well-mannered, noble and socially acceptable child. As a rule, assault is accompanied by the words “I was beaten as a child – and nothing, I grew up normal” and “in a good way, children do not understand, they need to be beaten.”

Nevertheless, the main task of parents is to create comfortable conditions in which children will feel calm and safe. The secondary one is to educate not a child, but oneself, because children will still take an example from mom and dad. After all, they, like sponges, absorb and repeat everything they see and hear: sounds, words, actions, behavior patterns, values.

What happens to a child when they are beaten?

A blow, a slap, a slap on the back of the head are signs of parental weakness that leave a negative mark for life, destroy the child’s sense of security, personal and emotional boundaries, and also affect his sexuality.

If the child is regularly punished physically, he uncontrollably begins to tighten the buttocks, while bringing the pelvis forward and creating a stressful tension in the lower back. He walks in this position every day without controlling it. And the pelvic region, in turn, is associated with human sexuality.

A clamp in this area leads to one of two problems: either a person begins to be indifferent to sex and generally refuses it in adulthood, or, conversely, a person enters into promiscuity.

Such an adult does not know how to independently build personal boundaries and allows others to violate them. It is difficult for him to create full-fledged and harmonious relationships with people, to feel happy and successful. His understanding of love is closely intertwined with pain.

What if you grew up, but resentment remained?

Any resentment against parents or other people is destructive to our psyche and body. They provoke psychosomatic illnesses, take away strength, because every day we subconsciously struggle with the violence caused to us instead of building a happy life. To be offended by something or someone is to be in a state of sacrifice.

To get rid of resentment towards parents, contact a psychologist

We are waiting for a long thorny path to accepting ourselves, building a strong inner support, restoring our integrity as a person independent of our parents. We are reaching a different level of understanding ourselves, father and mother, relationships with them.

It is important to accept our parents’ life choices, their fate, their actions towards us, and the fact that they, too, were probably traumatized by their mom and dad. When we take this step, we stop the cycle of violence.

It is not necessary to love and forgive them, it is only important to accept the actions that they did. We do not have to be the same as our parents, we are free to choose a different life: comfortable, happy, harmonious and safe.