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It would seem that today the enlightened part of society recognizes that it is important to talk about harassment and abuse, to condemn such behavior. However, in reality, you can see that many people, including stars, prefer to remain silent and not discuss “inconvenient topics.”
“He liked that I was crying, that I was resisting…”
Actress Elena Proklova on the air of the show “Secret for a Million” (NTV) spoke about the fact that she experienced harassment from adult men as a child. When she was 12, the director molested her. And at the age of 15, according to Proklova, she was abused by a famous actor: “He said that he would prepare me for admission. After filming, he took me to the forest and asked me to read the fable. Then he walked behind me and grabbed my chest. He put his hands between my legs.
It’s very difficult when you’re young, you don’t know anything. And they tell you that all adults do this – and this is normal. I remember this girl who was forced to undress, persuaded to perform oral sex… It’s all scary.”
Elena’s recognition caused a mixed reaction from other actors and viewers. Some colleagues in the workshop allowed themselves sarcastic remarks about the late recognition, others said that only the artist’s creative path was important, and his personal life should not be publicly discussed. And although the name of the person who did this to Proklova many years ago did not sound, fans and colleagues in the shop had guesses about who they were talking about.
Actress Marina Zudina was one of the first to react on her Instagram. The widow of Oleg Tabakov said in the comments that she was “ashamed of an elderly woman who has nothing else to attract attention.” Later, actress Yana Poplavskaya noted on her Instagram page that such things are said either to the confessor or the doctor.
If even an actress, a public person, cannot talk about her experience without feeling the condemnation of others, what to say about those who have neither fame nor influence?
And yet such stories cannot be hushed up. Why?
- Firstly, it helps to return responsibility for what happened to the one who committed illegal acts.
- Secondly, it helps the victim to work through the situation, relieve herself of the “guilt” imposed by society and the abuser.
- Thirdly, it is a kind of prevention and warning for other teenagers who may find themselves in similar situations. This is what stories about what happened and a negative assessment of the actions of abusers are needed for.
However, it is worth noting that the voices in defense of Elena Proklova and other women who have been harassed and abused are getting louder. And it is public support that can motivate those who have suffered violence and harassment to take action to protect themselves. Or at least help them talk about what happened without feeling guilty or ashamed.
“If you want to support the victims, just start believing them”
Julia Dyagileva, blogger
When I read the most sensational novel of this spring, My Dark Vanessa, I had to put the book down almost every ten minutes. I felt such rage that I couldn’t take it out. The novel, if anyone has not read it yet, is, according to the apt definition of critics, “Lolita” of the #metoo era.
The story of the relationship of a forty-year-old teacher with his fifteen-year-old student, told from her perspective. The book shows in great detail, step by step, the mechanism of “taming” a girl by an adult man – so that in the end she thinks that everything that happened between them is the result of her decisions and her desires. The classic “well, she herself wanted.” Only this connection still completely destroys her life and almost destroys her personality.
“My Dark Vanessa” should be read by anyone who asks questions: “Why were they silent before”, “What didn’t they tell mom” and confidently declares: “Yes, at the age of 15 you can already think and not go to bed with an adult man.” (By the way, why are the peasants never required to “think” regardless of their age?)
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You know what is significant. The story itself raises little doubt among those who have been cooking in the acting environment. Tatyana Bronzova says in plain text: “In the theater party, everyone knew about it. After all, there were other students.” And colleagues in the workshop, who have now attacked Proklova, also do not protest the reality of events, but Proklova presents one thing – how dare she speak, she should have been silent.
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The women are silent. All women. The girls are silent. In the discussions of Proklova’s interview, a comment about this: “Well, everyone has experienced something like this, we are silent.” And I am trying to understand why it is necessary to be silent, why there is such a requirement for victims.
Why the victims are silent is understandable. According to the WHO, 35% of women have been sexually assaulted at least once in their lifetime. Most often – from a friend or partner. This is not a villain with a knife attacking a woman in the alley, this is most often a man whom a woman trusts. She herself opens the door of her house for him, she herself agrees to have a drink together. And then it turns out “she is to blame.”
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The girls are silent. Perhaps your wife is silent about this. Or your daughter. If you have ever reacted to stories of rape and harassment in the style of “come on, I figured everything out” or “well, I had to think with my own head” – you personally added stones to this wall of silence.
If you want to support the victims, just start believing them. First of all, start believing them. Listen to girls and women, paying attention to their experiences. Learn to distinguish between areas of responsibility and remember that the rapist is always to blame for violence, regardless of the behavior and moral character of the victim. Finally, understand that in a situation where an adult man corrupts a teenage girl, no “she herself wanted” works.
Yulia Dyagileva’s post is abbreviated.
You can read the full post on Julia’s page .
Where can women victims of abuse and violence go in our country?
- Charitable center “Sisters” by phone +7 (499) 901-02-01
- Anna Center (help for women who have experienced any domestic violence): 8 (800) 7000-600 (the organization has the status of a “foreign agent”)
- Center “Violence. No”: 8 (495) 916-3000 (the organization has the status of a “foreign agent”)