“It is impossible to completely protect a teenager from mistakes,” says child psychologist Irina Mlodik. “It is important to teach him not to avoid difficulties, but to cope with them.”
“At 12-13 years old, teenagers are literally eager to show independence in solving various practical issues. And they invariably stumble upon a firm parental opinion on any occasion: “You won’t go alone to your friends’ country house!”; “You better not be friends with this boy, he has a wind in his head”; «Before you go karting, finish music school.» When forbidding or restricting a child in some way, parents first of all want to protect him from mistakes, disappointments, and dangers. And there is, of course, grounds for such anxiety. Much can be dangerous to life and health. But if you look at the world only through this disturbing prism, you will have to constantly limit the child. As a result, we will undoubtedly be able to slightly muffle our anxiety, but the fear will not disappear. But the child, sensitively catching our anticipatory anxiety, will gradually begin to perceive the world as a threat and will begin to avoid any difficulties, and later — everything new in principle. Because of our anxiety, children get used to feeling weak, in need of management, control, accompaniment.
We should recognize that we cannot protect a son or daughter from mistakes, protect from all dangers, but we can teach them to cope with life on their own. Children can grow up only by relying on the experience of their own mistakes and victories. And in order to learn from it, and not to get hurt, not to lose faith in oneself, it is important that there is someone close to adults who can rejoice and grieve with the child, who will support, help to understand the situation, reassure. In this way, children receive invaluable experience that multiplies their strength and teaches them to cope with what such an unpredictable life has to offer.”