This fall, my daughter went to kindergarten. At 3,5 years old, she was well prepared for the garden: she knew how to dress herself, eat, stay without a mother, negotiate with adults and communicate with peers. I was sure that my child would go to kindergarten without any problems — ha, ha, ha.
I describe the chronology of the events of this unfinished story.
1 September: we are smart, with flowers, in a good mood and two brothers-schoolchildren are going to the garden. Without tears and with great interest, the daughter changes clothes, goes into the group, nicely saying goodbye to her parents. I pick her up in two hours in a great mood.
2 September: daughter (having seen enough of other children) throws a tantrum at parting in the garden. Not strong, trial. I react calmly, friendly and adamantly: I pass it from hand to hand to the educator. Leaving, I pay attention to her look: smart, attentive eyes follow the situation and analyze what is happening.
September 3-4: I am completely delighted — there are no traces of yesterday’s tears. In the morning we gather cheerfully, we walk down the street with songs, we confidently enter the group, forgetting even to say goodbye to my mother. We come up with a farewell ritual with her: a strong hug, 3-4 (“I’m three years old, which means three kisses. Although four is more — let’s get four!”) Kisses — on one cheek, on the other cheek, on the forehead and on the chin, and then «high five!» — we clap our hands.
11 September: Already got used to the regime, I want something new. We try to arrange whims on the way to the garden. I am calm: “Yes, you don’t want to go to kindergarten, I understand. And I thought you liked to play in the kindergarten with a lot of new different toys!” She picks up the theme and the whims are exhausted.
September 14-18: regularly in the morning, on the way to the garden, we throw a tantrum, testing my mother’s patience. I show miracles of ingenuity, each time coming up with something new: either we bring a toy into the garden, or a beautiful dress, or we ride a scooter, or something else. Oddly enough, on the threshold of kindergarten, whims evaporate. Apparently, there are a lot of people in the locker room, children, it’s all interesting. Therefore, we change clothes willingly, with delight we make a ritual farewell and go to the group.
21 September: the second teacher arrived. We are already a little used to the first, and we do not want to recognize the second in any way. Daughter throws a tantrum in the locker room, refusing to enter the group. I act as before: I pass it from hand to hand to the teacher and quickly leave. From behind the door I hear — I calmed down in two minutes.
September 22-23: every morning a tantrum at parting. They forgot about the ritual — she does not want to do it. It doesn’t matter what kind of teacher, we shout for everyone. I start talking to her at home or on the way to the garden. “What was interesting in the kindergarten? What did you like the most? What will you do tomorrow, with whom will you play? And why did you cry in the morning? I don’t get a clear answer.
September 24-25: conversations are getting more and more interesting. Every morning on the way to the garden, in a good mood, we seriously discuss: “Come on, will you go to the group calmly this morning, with a smile?” — «No, mother, I want to go today with tears.» “You see, I don’t like it when you go with tears. I would like to see you off with a smile.» “Mom, let me go tomorrow with a smile, but today I want to go with tears.” We have to agree.
26 September: It should be noted that in the evening after the garden, the daughter is in a great mood and enthusiastically talks about what happened during the day. And on weekends, she asks to go to the garden, hardly realizing that it is closed.
28 September: tantrums at parting continue, as the daughter planned. I decide to go on the offensive. Morning conversation: «Darling, you promised me that today you would go to the garden with a smile.» “Well, mom, I don’t want with a smile, I want with tears! When will you pick me up?» — «Let’s agree: if you go with a smile, I will pick you up at half past four, and if with tears, then at half past six.» — «(confidently) Mom, I want at half past six.» I don’t give up: “Okay, let’s agree differently. If you go with a smile, then in the evening I will bring you a big tasty candy … (a sigh of admiration escapes from my daughter) but if with tears, I won’t bring it. — (after a moment’s thought) «Mom, I want without candy, and with tears.» I’m knocked out — this, honestly, did not expect. I leave in disgrace.
29 September: I’m changing tactics. «How are you going to the garden today?» — «With tears». “You know, I thought, I like that you come with tears. You scream so beautifully and loudly.” Morning hysteria in the locker room already looks like a bad actor.
30 September: we keep advancing. “Listen, let’s go with tears today and I will also say goodbye with tears !!!?” — “Uuuu! Let’s!!!» (with delight) I make a sad face in the locker room and wipe my tears. My daughter is watching me carefully, continuing to scream.
October 1: “Come on, are you going to scream louder today? And then something was very quiet yesterday … «-» Well, mom, I’ll scream louder «(without enthusiasm). In the locker room, she carefully straightens her dress, a bow on her belt and … at the call of the teacher, she calmly enters the group, without even turning around. Really!?
I think it’s a win. Probably not final, but very important.
From the editors of Psychologos:
What do you think, dear readers? What hypotheses do you have, why did such a wise mother cry a little beauty?