They are completely incapable of waiting. And they are in a hurry to get all the pleasures from life at once – as if they live in an ideal world where there is no place for failures and pauses. Where does this insatiable craving for pleasure come from? And how to slow down the pace of this race?
“When I want something, I give myself a day before I get my wish,” says Svetlana, 30, an advertising agency manager. “This psychological technique helped me get rid of the painful habit of endless shopping and working without rest. As soon as I thought about a new dress or about an important project, it immediately seemed to me that I needed to act immediately! And now, when such a thought comes to me, I put it aside for a day in order to calmly think about it: do I really need this? And often the answer is no!
Waiting for your turn, step by step moving towards the intended goal – this is unbearable for such people. They are sure that their desires must be fulfilled immediately. If not, they just slam the door. A more educated interlocutor, a more interesting job, a more tender lover – they are in an eternal search.
“The requirement to immediately satisfy any request is a characteristic feature of our time,” says family psychotherapist Sergei Medvedev. “But our needs grow endlessly: as long as we satisfy them, they become more diverse and their number increases. This multiplication of needs creates tension, anxiety. And anxiety gives rise to a feeling of dissatisfaction and a desire to drown it out. It turns out a vicious circle from which it is not easy to get out.
Increased emotionality. Such people are usually very emotional. They are guided by momentary feelings, it is difficult for them to build far-reaching plans and obey the rules. “Most often, these are those who were or continue to be in tense relations in their parental family and have difficulties in psychological separation from their parents,” explains Sergey Medvedev. Lack of independence makes them dependent on external stimuli.
Perfectionism. They live by the motto “Either do it well or don’t do it at all” – and they demand the same from others. This is a typical property of perfectionists who believe that they deserve only the best. Perfectionism makes people good fighters, forcing them to achieve high results. But it also becomes a source of constant anxiety: people of this type never feel completely satisfied, their constant companions are frustration and anxiety. The origins of the problem are found in the peculiarities of education.
“When parents indulge the slightest whims of a child, he grows up with the idea that the whole world should obey his desires,” explains cognitive psychologist Didier Ple. “The first obstacle he hits when he grows up will feel like the end of the world to him.”
Fill the void inside. For others, the desire to have everything and immediately expresses the fear of never having anything again, says psychotherapist Catherine Emle-Perissol: “With the help of vigorous activity, they create the illusion of fullness in their lives. Waiting causes a feeling of emptiness, so they strive to fill it – and as soon as possible.
Routine duties and boredom, which most of us are able to fight with patience, make such people feel thin air, the therapist explains. At the same time, such “restless natures” feel as if life itself flowed out of them drop by drop. Wanting more means for them to feel more alive and thus protect themselves from death.
What to do?
- Think about what you don’t like about your current lifestyle. What prevents you from its excessive saturation and what would you do if you lived more calmly? Give yourself the right to choose.
- Analyze your feelings at the moment when waiting for what you want becomes unbearable. Anxiety and irritation increase, and this is certainly not very pleasant. But by watching yourself, you learn patience and so reduce your stress.
- Give yourself time to heal the wounds of failure before rushing off to find the new object you want. Then you will be able to more soberly assess its attractiveness and necessity for you.