“I took revenge on my ex for betrayal and have been feeling good ever since”

Our romance started out bright. We met at a friend’s party, left with him – and have not parted since that night. There was a feeling of an absolute hit, a meeting with that very close soul that many unsuccessfully search for all their lives.

Very soon they began to live together and decided to create their own business related to video equipment and filming. Investments were needed, and he convinced me to take out a loan. At that moment, it seemed that it would be more profitable to issue it in my name. I completely trusted him, and even in a bad dream I could not imagine what would happen.

However, the idea did not pay off as we expected, and my friend got a well-paid job. It allowed us to cover the loan, acquire new knowledge and, possibly, useful contacts for our business. It seemed that we were moving towards common plans and dreams, I was happier than ever!

However, pretty soon he began to return home later. He explained that he was very busy at work, referring to the tradition of evening meetings with colleagues, in which he, as a beginner, also wants to fit in. I treated everything with understanding, despite the strange change in his intonation when talking on the phone when I come into view. But it seemed to me wildly vulgar to focus on this. There was still hot sex between us, and understanding, we still had common dreams.

Once he returned much earlier than usual and said that we needed to talk. I immediately felt that something terrible had happened, but I could not imagine what I would have to hear. He loved another. And he leaves. I was then as if paralyzed, I decided that this was some kind of joke. Not only could I not believe what he was telling me, and it was as if I did not recognize him. Aloof, cold… As if between us there was not everything that we recently experienced together.

I cried, begged him to explain how this could have happened. He said that it just happened and I had to accept it.

It took me a long time to piece myself together. However, time gradually sobered and reconciled me with what had happened. The first months after parting, he paid off the loan, and then stopped. He answered rather rudely that he would fulfill his obligations if I left him alone.

I learned that the girl he left for was the daughter of a man on the board of directors of the company in which he worked, the heiress of a very wealthy family. He was going to marry her. However, six months later, my friend told me that the former was seen in a bar kissing someone else. So he cheated on his fiancee!

I hated him for what he did to me. He trampled on my feelings, deprived me of faith in relationships, put me in a vulnerable situation in front of the bank. And I decided to take a step unexpected for myself – to hire a private detective and, if possible, pay back in kind.

My efforts have been successful. It turned out that there is another girl who, after completing a relationship with him, just like me, “got” on a loan. And he really cheated on his fiancee. I sent her photos of his betrayal and photos of my bank documents, confirming the deceit of this man. And she wrote that if she wanted, she was ready to talk to her. She did not call, but he lost this job, and the wedding was upset. They are no longer together.

I don’t know, and I don’t want to know the details. Ever since I sent her the package, a stone has been lifted from my heart. I hardly remember my ex. And although they say that revenge is a destructive feeling, now I feel much lighter and happier.

“Vengeance is always a risky and not guaranteed chance to heal a spiritual wound”

Daria Petrovskaya, gestalt therapist

The heroine had to cope with the damage received in the relationship alone, and this affected not only her mental state, but also financially (after all, she must pay loans for the former). And this, of course, enhances the feelings that accompany the breakup, preventing it from being finally completed.

The girl continued to follow his life and become emotionally involved in what was happening. And now, as if by magic, there is a chance to replay your story, coming out of it as a winner. She does for another woman what she would like for herself – she organizes the exposure of the bastard and saves, as it seems to her, from the pain of betrayal. That is why it becomes easier for her.

In Gestalt, there is a concept – proflexion. This is part of the unconscious mechanism in which a person does for others what he really would like to receive in relation to himself. In reality, however, we cannot satisfy our needs directly. And instead of voicing a request for support, we begin to “do good” to others without their asking for it.

Here often there is a supporting feeling of one’s own need and importance, because “I am doing a good deed”, but at the same time a feeling of rejection from others: “Who will thank me?” In the story, the fiancee of the former did not call the heroine back and did not support her. Most likely, it was very unpleasant for her to see evidence of cheating.

Such chances for revenge in life do not often fall out, and even if they happen, not everyone will decide on such a radical step. Rather, such a decision suggests that the heroine continued to be in acute feelings for a long time.

What happened to her after this act? How long did the euphoria and sense of relief last? Was it possible to subsequently heal the wound or is it still “bleeding”, showing distrust of men? These and many other questions I would ask myself and the heroine if she were my client.

Our psyche is always striving to take care of us. But the more decisions we give to the unconscious, the more “strange” and unsafe methods of self-preservation can look. For example, revenge in reality is a risky move, but in a borderline state it may not be obvious.

We lack the balance of mind and feelings, the opportunity to weigh our decisions. At the same time, acting out a plan of revenge in a psychotherapy session, without implementing it in life, can be a healing factor in living through the phase of anger. Such an exercise often brings relief and releases the energy needed to restore mental security. Leads to the acceptance of the situation and to the revival of trust in the world anew.