“I took a mortgage and bitterly regretted: now I don’t want to live”

“I’m 43 years old. It so happened that after the divorce, I was left homeless and with two children in my arms. She moved to live with her parents. We lived for 8 years in a three-room brezhnev house with our grandparents. While the children were younger students, everything was great. But then a sister with her son and husband temporarily moved to our apartment in the same apartment. And here’s the situation: side by side in a small area, where there are adjacent rooms, there were three families, 8 people. My two teenage sons, my sister’s child is eight years old. Three guys in an apartment are not sugar, constantly quarreling, screaming.

Withstood a year. Then I got tired that my sister and mother blame my children for all the troubles, I quarreled with them and moved out. I rented an apartment – I had to live more economically, but calmly. Six months later, the owner of the apartment suddenly decided to sell it, and again we had to look for housing. So we shook ourselves for another year. And then I thought: I still pay for someone else’s apartment, I need to find my own home and get a mortgage. I do not foresee any inheritance, but I need to raise the standard of living and have my own corner by the age of 40.

I sold my car and garage. I started looking for options: in a house under construction, a secondary housing, a new house with cosmetic repairs, a private house outside the city. I studied this topic up and down, weighed all the pros and cons. For a private house, if it has not been new for a long time, it is difficult to obtain a mortgage loan. In a new building, you need to spend money on repairs. I decided to take a secondary property: an economy-class block house, 8th floor, a small apartment with normal renovation and partially furnished.

The mortgage was not taken immediately. My credit history is perfect, but I was refused. I was embarrassed by the amount: the apartment that I looked after was worth like a kopeck piece or a large studio in a new house. Taking into account interest, I had to pay half of my salary per month. True, I had additional earnings, albeit small, but helped out. As a result, I received consent, it remains to complete the deal.

By that time, the passions in the quarrel with my sister had subsided, we met over a cup of coffee. And then she said to me: they say, think a thousand times. Of course, I’ve thought it over a thousand times already. And she told me her own: you do not know what will happen tomorrow, your miscalculations are inadequate. They say that you have to take a mortgage when it is at least a third or a quarter of your salary. I lost my temper. What is it that everyone who took out a mortgage gets four times its value? No, it’s unlikely. But people do manage somehow! And my sister finished it off: “But they take complete families! One pays, the other feeds, there is security! “

A single mother with children, in her opinion, should live in a barn and not think about anything. And we quarreled again.

And now it happened! We moved to our apartment in December. The owners left us the kitchen, carpet, curtains and sofas. Come in and live, as they say in the ads. What a happiness it is to decorate a Christmas tree, to arrange comfort, to invite guests. Everyone congratulated me on the New Year. And in March my guys brought a dog into the house …

Once my husband and I lived with his wealthy parents in a huge house. Were not scheduled. I am young, stupid, quick-tempered. She quarreled with her husband in front of his parents. Although there was a reason, it was still wrong. And when Vitaly left for his mistress in another city, his mother-in-law asked me to move out. It was me! She wanted to leave her grandchildren. Yeah, now. I, proud, did not demand any alimony, and the attention of rich grandparents was quickly exhausted. So, nothing was allowed in that house … And here, in my own apartment, I was the mistress! So the dog immediately registered in our house.

For two years I coped calmly. She paid for the mortgage, raised the boys. And then once – and I lose my job. Exactly sharply. All property, all enterprises and branches of our boss are seized. Well, I think a specialist like me will be hired everywhere.

And then I realized that I have a critical age and gender. You are not even invited for an interview if you are over 35-40 years old.

I sometimes shouted straight into the phone: “Look at me, how I look!” Preference was given to men and young ladies … Well, what to do, I went where they took. And at the checkout she worked in a supermarket, and in a cold shop, and on night calls from a call center. I’m not at home, the boys are blooming, quarreling with me, squabbling with each other. This age is difficult, and I have to plow for this mortgage in two jobs. I sleep four hours a day. From one job to another.

All my earnings today, so that you understand, is the repayment of the mortgage. After her, 13 thousand remain in her arms for a month of life for three adults. We deduct utility bills and payment: “Give, mom, to school for a holiday …” – and there remains 240 rubles a day. This is the money that my family feeds on. Thank you, my grandfather sends 10 thousand a month for the boys, although sometimes we cook borsch with meat and go to the movies once a month.

A year of such a life has passed. I can only howl and sob into my pillow at night while the children sleep. There is complete hopelessness in my head. Meals – pasta, potatoes and all sorts of cheap milk and cheese substitutes. My sons cannot buy normal new clothes, I take them from my friends’ grown-up children. So my boys also turn up their nose, take offense.

The elder recently broke the phone, demanded to take a new one on credit, I refused, he freaked out and left home. I returned, gave her phone … The younger went to hand out flyers. And what, at least 70 rubles per hour.

But I’m really in debt all the time. A week before the payday, the money runs out completely, and I have never been a spender.

I began to give up, get sick, break into children.

I’m so tired that I just want to lie in a coffin and die. I want to cover my face with my hands and again become eight-year-old Natasha in my mother’s arms. No problem, no mortgage … Nothing!

I haven’t paid the loan for three months, there is a penalty. And I don’t know what to do. “