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Setting goals and achieving them is a difficult skill. Why do some people have to constantly overcome themselves on the way to what they want, while others easily fulfill their plans? Can this skill be trained? We talked about this with a psychologist, Gestalt therapist Anastasia Zagryadskaya.
Biochemistry of routine and success
When we set ourselves the goal of learning a language, getting a higher position at work, or moving to another country, we feel like we are ready to move mountains. But when we start taking real steps to achieve it, our motivation can go down a lot.
Neuroscientists at Queen Mary University of London found that when we set a task, we are inspired by the potential reward, but when we set out to do it, our attention is focused on the real effort that needs to be put in. And thoughts about the «prize» fade into the background. It is not easy for us to shift the focus of our attention to the reward when we have begun direct action, and the routine makes us very tired. Therefore, motivation decreases, scientists are sure. This «struggle» involves not only the thinking of a person, but also his whole body.
“Initially, when we just have a certain idea, we experience great inspiration,” says psychologist Anastasia Zagryadskaya. — At this moment, our body produces neurotransmitters of joy: endorphins, dopamine. These substances feed us, fill us with hope. At the moment when we begin to systematically move towards our goal, our expectations collide with reality. Turns out it’s not as easy as we thought, and that can be disappointing.»
Harm the case and too rosy forecasts regarding time. For example, we truly believe that we can learn a language in ten days or write a book in two weeks.
“If we had unrealistic expectations for the timing, then we can take too much on ourselves at the initial stage. And then we run the risk of quickly burning out,” says Anastasia Zagryadskaya. “If we were once shamed, they said:“ If you couldn’t even do this, you are hopeless, ”our psyche will react the same way as it did then, in the past, with a sense of shame.”
Such feelings will not add to us calmness and purposefulness. We are nervous, we want to quit what we started, even if we recently dreamed of this project, this task …
“If on the way to the goal we encounter difficulties, contradictions, the level of cortisol in the blood rises, and this is the stress hormone. It becomes difficult for us to move on, because increased cortisol interferes with the functioning of the cognitive sphere, ”explains the expert.
Ask yourself the question: “Why do I need what I have planned?” A lot depends on the answer.
“As a rule, if you answer: “because I have to” or “because I have to,” burnout comes faster, warns Anastasia Zagryadskaya. “If you sincerely answer: “because I want it,” the chances that you will remain motivated and overcome many difficulties on the way to your dream increase.”
Four rules on the way to achieving the goal
The following life hacks will help you overcome boredom, cope with unusual tasks and achieve the desired result.
Surround yourself with like-minded people
Moving towards the goal is easier if we can communicate with those who are going through the same trials as you.
“It is very important to be in a supportive environment,” the expert says. — In such an environment it is easier not to shame yourself for failures. People who walk the same path with us are trying to cope with similar difficulties. Some things they succeed, some things they don’t, just like us. This helps to adequately treat yourself and what is happening. And most importantly, we see that we are not alone!”
thank yourself
To stay motivated, it is important to thank ourselves for what we have already done.
“As a rule, people who do not achieve goals are focused on a sense of shame,” says Anastasia Zagryadskaya. “And yet they can’t thank themselves for what they’ve already done. And if we are grateful to ourselves for our work, we can rely on the work done as a foundation — and move on.
Recording positive moments will help the diary of achievements.
“Every day we write down what we managed to do today. This increases the production of dopamine, and we begin to feel better, ”explains the expert.
Move in small steps
The goals we set for ourselves are not always realistic. However, even the most daring aspirations have the right to life, and in order to achieve the “impossible”, one should start small.
“Let’s say I want to lift a barbell weighing 50 kg,” Anastasia Zagryadskaya gives an example. — If I can’t lift the bar, I start with a dumbbell. I can’t lift a dumbbell — I come to the gym and just walk along the path. I set myself a feasible task — and gradually increase the load. It is also very important to finish what you started. These may be small, not global goals. You need to try to finish unpleasant things as well, this also leads to increased production of dopamine.
Get expert support
A specialist will also help to fulfill the plan.
“A coach or a psychologist is able to give us back an adequate view of what is happening, helps us to see the resistances that we face on the way to goals. It happens that we are overwhelmed by complex, difficult experiences and sensations: «I am insignificant, I will not succeed.» In the power of hopelessness, it is not easy to turn on critical thinking. And it is important that there is someone nearby who can return this criticality, support us and cheer us up.”
To be or to be able?
There are people who are more likely to achieve their goals. What makes them different from the rest?
“It seems to me that such people have a high tolerance for uncertainty,” says Anastasia Zagryadskaya. “After all, when we set ourselves some kind of task, we don’t really have any clarity about what we have to do. Most likely, we will have to solve unusual problems. Resilience to the vicissitudes of fate and criticism, tolerance for their mistakes and the ability to perceive them as a necessary experience — all this is characteristic of people who achieve goals.
The path to a dream is easier for those who are not used to shifting responsibility for their lives to external events and other people.
“Realizing that only we ourselves are responsible for achieving our goals, we are looking for and finding ways and resources that will help us fulfill our plans,” the expert recalls.
But what if our character does not fit this description at all? Is it possible to develop such properties in oneself?
“Everyone has certain abilities: someone understands mathematics well, someone communicates well with people,” says Anastasia Zagryadskaya. — If we know how to use these properties, we have a good potential. But even if we are very talented, we will not go far without having the skills described above. But they can only be earned.”
The idea that goals can be achieved without effort is appealing. However, in reality, this path requires hard work — first of all, on yourself. At the end of the journey, a reward awaits us. We can say to ourselves: “If I can achieve this goal, then I am not afraid of others.”