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“I rent my mom to a nursing home to arrange my personal life”
Our reader sent us her story – a story that can not be passed by indifferent. We publish her letter in full.
I do not know what to do. I feel like a bastard and at the same time I’m incredibly happy. Where to begin? My name is Katya, and I am 46 years old. And recently I met that same man. This is how it happens at first sight. It’s just my man. And I am his. And it seems like I should be happy, but in my life everything is always awry.
“What can I do without her?”
Sometimes I think that I should have paid tithing for all the good things in my life.
For a high-paying job, she received a bitchy team, for a rich husband – treason and cold treatment. If I won something or got it just like that, I immediately lost something. But that’s the case with everyone, no? But my mother was always with me. She is not an easy person, to be honest, but she never left me. I proved that I am an adult, I can handle everything myself, but … She grumbles, but does, curses, but helps. And I’m used to it.
I lost my husband ten years ago. He had an accident on a Moscow highway. I was grief-stricken, and then they told me that there was also a woman in the car. It turned out that this is a mistress, she also died. It was painful and scary. My husband was the main earner, I worked at a music school. It was hard, my mother moved to me to help with the children. The daughter was 15 years old, the son was 4 years old. Mom’s pension is big, she spent everything on us, plus she rented out her apartment and worked as a governess on weekends. Thanks to her, we did it.
It was very difficult with her. My mother is one of those who need everything to be according to her will. Either I am a bad mother, the house is dirty, the children are not well-groomed, the dog is stupid, it’s not clear who I am like that… Sometimes I didn’t have the strength. I think that’s all, I’m tired. Better half-starving, but without this brain-eating! I burst into tears. Mom comes up, starts to regret: “I love, who will tell you the truth!” And everything seems to be getting better. And you think: well, it’s true that I can do without her, so spineless.
“I thought it was just old age”
Men did not go well. It was difficult to let a new person into your life. And men came across strange: they immediately tried to move to me, borrow money, they came across outright liars. One date was enough. During this time, she married her daughter, changed her job, my mother gave up her royal rights a little.
Two years ago I took my wards to the festival of young musicians in Italy. There I met a man, he was on the jury, Russian, but for many years he has been living abroad. He liked my flutists very much. At first we just talked, then exchanged phone numbers, began to communicate. Six months later, he paid for the participation of my children at another creative festival in Rome. And we won a prize … Who would have thought that my new relationship would spin like this, late love would come? And deep down I believed! I believed in love.
Boris and I just met. And, like a fool, I was waiting for a trick, payment, tithes for happiness. And I got it.
A year ago, my mom got sick dramatically. Neighbors called me and said that she was screaming from the balcony and throwing out the dishes. I’m in shock, rushing home. The door is closed from the inside. I call the brigade, they open it. Mother rushes naked around the apartment, shouting: “Hide, the war has come!” Calling the deceased brother Vasya. The face is all red, distorted. Police, ambulance … They took me to the hospital.
The doctor said it was dementia. I ask, how is it so right away? There were no prerequisites. But the doctor said that there were probably preconditions, but I did not notice them. Short-term memory suffers. Therefore, my mother threw the knives all the time when she peeled potatoes, forgot to close the door, stopped being interested in what she liked. But this is old age, I thought. And also this tearfulness is constant, it happened, she got lost in the store, could not find a way out, came without a wallet. How could I not have noticed … In general, my mother passed the examination and here is the verdict: dementia.
“The son is afraid of his grandmother”
I was given a long list of medications and patient care instructions. And what happened next, I can’t tell without tears. The gas switches on and off, burns candles and prays from morning to evening. He throws the candles on the floor. My son and I are stewing. She calls and shouts into the receiver that people in masks are killing her. I hired a nurse. She insured the apartment. The seizures at night made my son nervous. There are quiet old people with dementia, and there are artists. Here’s my mom from second grade. He hits his chest, sobs.
She says that we poison her, that her son molested her at night.
The nurses can’t stand it. Already changed three. I was afraid to tell Boris about it. But on arrival, he saw everything himself. He said that he would pay for the hospital, and my son and I were moving to him in Italy. All is ready. Everything! Visa, adoption, I got a job. I was welcomed into the family friendly and lovingly. Bori’s daughters really liked me. House in a quiet area with a pool and rose bushes. God, I couldn’t even dream of that. But the doctor told me that with such a diagnosis in hospitals, even private ones, people do not live long.
And I feel like a bastard …
I take my sick mother to the hospital. Mom, who was always there at difficult times. That saved me and my children. And now I really want a simple family happiness with a loved one. Son 14. Dimka is afraid of her grandmother. He is very fond of Borya and his adult daughters. And I want to break out of this hell! I cannot be with my mother. Such a mom.