The distance traditionally begins with the exercises “I remove netki”, “Emotion diary”, “Success diary”, “I go to bed on time” and “Order on the table”. Start Your Distance!
I REMOVE THE NETS
Those who do not follow their speech have a lot of junk words in their speech: here, well, in short, no … (what do you have?). Those who live thoughtlessly often do not weave and object. Whoever does not care about the dignity of life sinks to the floor.
Distance students care about the dignity of life, live meaningfully and watch their speech. Distance students speak a beautiful literary language, do not allow disruptions to the mat, avoid objections and clear their speech of junk words.
Specifically — from the word NO at the beginning of their phrases.
Distance workers are not in a hurry to object and are attentive to the reasonable in the words of the interlocutor. They consider it obligatory to agree with the interlocutor in what he is right. It is especially good to agree with a loved one.
He said, «We’ve got to go!» — Well, yes, he’s right: it’s time.
It would be nice if the rain stopped! — It is good to…
He thinks that the child should be taken to the doctor. — I completely agree!
How nice it is when they agree with us! Do you agree? Give this joy to the people with whom you communicate: say YES more often!
It often happens that you completely agree with a person, everything is clear to you, so you say something as follows, important … But the person next to you heard only that you disagree with him! Once again: if you disagree out loud and start talking about your own, it seems to the person that you do not agree with him. It’s terrible, but it’s true: check it out! And best of all — check how great it will be when you begin to agree not only inside yourself, but also out loud, when your favorite word is the word YES!
Yes indeed, when you don’t know what to say, why not start with a thoughtful YES…? You will have time to think, right? And if you used to often have NO on the machine (no, didn’t it?), now let natural YES phrases be built into you at the level of habit.
«Let’s go to the cinema? — Yes, you can go … (going to the window) And the weather is so good outside, maybe we’ll take a walk in the air today? Indeed, why not YES?
ADDITION
If you want, immediately or later, you can complicate this exercise: among the prohibited ones include not only the word NO at the beginning of the phrase, but also:
- NO and NOT anywhere in the sentence,
- Your favorite junk words (Here, well, so to speak, in general …), including junk YES (this also happens),
- Dirty words and expressions, even if you are cut off on the road …
HOW TO DO IT
We perform the exercise in several stages, several days for each stage:
Stage 1 — exploration. We track prohibitions (denials, objections and junk words) in our speech, depending on the situation, we write a contract with different accents.
Stage 2 — we learn to notice the taboos of other people. We set the task: to be the first to hear!
Stage 3 — take care of yourself. We notice the prohibition in ourselves, when there is an opportunity — we speak slowly, we focus on Yes-Yes-Yes and remove the entire prohibition. In tense situations, when there is no time for studying, we allow ourselves to speak freely, with inaccuracies, garbage and objections. But we are watching ourselves — already always.
Stage 4 — always control yourself. We speak beautifully, constructively and cleanly, we are looking for opportunities to find mutual understanding with the interlocutor.
Stage 5 — skill level. The Master is allowed to do everything. Namely, in communication with strangers, if they once understand a simple NO, we simply say NO. But (did you notice the word HERE?) in communicating with competent people, if we want to object or say NO consciously, we pause before this and raise two closed fingers up. As for the checkmate, the master does not get into situations where the checkmate is necessary.
TIPS
Accounting for net currents can be combined with tracking emotions in the Emotion Diary (just make one more column), and it’s better to mark not only your No, Not and Here, it’s good to record your YES and other beautiful agreements right there. An example of such labels:
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To count strangers and your nets, reminders help. Use A-4 size posters with a large «YES!» and hang them on the refrigerator or other prominent place, stick colored stickers with bright pictures in different places to remind you of your task. A reminder will be a notebook at hand for counting net current, and signals from programs specially installed for this on your smartphone.
Accounting rubber bands on your wrist increase attentiveness well. He said «no» — he clicked himself with a rubber band. Ouch! Missed «well», «here» — once again Oh!
If you usually speak very fast, practice speaking slower…
Pause One, two, three. If you want to object — do not rush to objections. Mentally count up to three, also mentally (and maybe once out loud) say “Thank you” to your partner, and only then answer. The opportunity for three seconds to think about what you say now is sometimes worth a lot.
Replace the phrase «Why not?» to the phrase «Why not?».
It is very useful to make a list of answers without «no» to typical situations. Look for patterns and clichés that will allow you to answer questions without the word “No” without hesitation, even if you disagree. Then you don’t have to think up answers without “No” on the go. «Are you getting off? «I’ll let you through!» Is this the Knight? — You have the wrong number». «Do you have a smoke? — Dropped it! “Hello, hello, is Lyosha home? “Hello, he will be later.”
Train! Together with a partner, model situations that provoke you to answer NO. Indeed, how do you answer if the supermarket asks you: “Do you need a bag?”. In public transport, you are asked the question: “Do you get off at the next stop?”. Question of the teacher at the courses: “Do you have any questions for me?”. — What are your answers?
Repronunciation. If you nevertheless said the phrase with “Netka”, after the end of the conversation, mentally say the same phrase, but in the way it can be said without the word “No”. Gradually, repronunciation will do its job, and one day “Netka” will seem to get stuck in the language, it will make it possible to say the phrase in a different way.
The volume of the planned result (ORM)
- I immediately hear NOs and HEREs from other people, in half of the cases I react to this faster than other distancers;
- My speech is free from forbidden language turns. Indicator: in my speech for three days in a row I do not allow rash NO, HERE and objections.
- When I agree with the interlocutor, I say it out loud so that the interlocutor hears and understands it.
- Turnover YES I meet 10 times more often than turns NO and HERE. Or: I agree out loud at least 10 times a day.
- When I agree, my face and tone is gentle, supportive, caring.
ATTENTION: Do not rest in this exercise until the last purity. As a rule, the level is satisfactory when I hear the prohibition from the people around me almost everything at once, and from myself — in half the cases. And that’s enough! Go ahead, finish later!
DISTANTS WRITE:
Yesterday I recorded negotiations on the recorder, I found NO there. I was very surprised when I listened to the speech of the person with whom the negotiations were held. Very beautiful, meaningful speech, not a single junk word, not a single netka. That’s what liberal education means)))) And most likely training ….
As an experienced seller, I have long known that it is simply forbidden for a buyer to say phrases with the word no. «Don’t you want to see? — No I do not want to!» Didn’t like this table? “No, I didn’t like it!” “Do you have the same one, but with mother-of-pearl legs? — No, we DO NOT carry such! And the customer leaves. And all that could be said: “We can offer you another one! May I show you?»
I have known for a long time that the NOT particle is not perceived by the subconscious at all, and therefore all our teachings go by: DO NOT go! Listen — GO! Do not do it! Listen — DO IT! Netki can be bypassed! For example: DON’T GO! You can go there… Don’t! You can do it like this and like this!!
I know everything, I shoot my employees for NO on the spot, but speaking without NO in my ordinary life was a discovery for me. All you have to do is remove a small word with negative energy — and the language immediately changes, more meaningful phrases, presence, control over the market and «personal hygiene of thought.» Answer control is a big deal. Especially a pause for reflection — and the world turns upside down!) Again, the load on the brain. To work. And young! Sometimes, instead of answering, I hang if it’s hard to paraphrase! I refuse to say no to myself! Interesting! Even the body responds differently! It’s like the barrier is being lifted! All in all, a great exercise!
He offered to clean up the nets for my daughter, she is 5 years old — surprisingly, she took this game right away and just got carried away with it. He takes care of himself and all of us. Moreover, she consciously and actively provokes all of us to netki — and laughs at us, because it becomes more and more difficult to provoke her!
The trash continues until the complete victory over the nets in the whole family … Everyone is active. Even the small one realized and reduced her total nets by 50%. The eldest squats the least. I have no direct (not) at the beginning of less than 3 pieces per day. There are less than 20 pieces in the middle of the text, and I think everyone is aware and noticed. The total rejection of non-currents is a complex process — one has to restructure both speech and thoughts.
Began to track netki in thoughts.
I realized that in order to completely abandon non-currents, you need to change your thinking, pick up new formulations, but the most important thing is to change your attitude towards an object or processes, completely get away from negativity, doubts, and criticism. By removing nets inside sentences, one has to change the entire thought and conversational process. Offers become clearer, more effective and meaningful and positive.
Together with my wife, we track each other’s nets and, most importantly, we immediately look for other formulations. Dozens of new discoveries in one day! “Can I play on the tablet? “You can play other games, like…” “Did you eat? — Ready now! (Or I’ll be ready in 30 minutes).» Let’s read a poem together? — Teach me! (Tell me the text).» I see a cool opportunity to change my thinking, it’s better to start hearing and understanding others, to seriously work out the opportunity to convey my ideas to others, to discover new facets of reality! Marvelous!
Exercise made me sick, in a good way.
A strong interest and desire woke up, as before, otherwise I already began to think that I was getting old or the time for hobbies had passed). There is a great desire to reach the edge and get the most out of this exercise.!
It is very indicative for me that after I began to track my speech during the negotiations, everything began to take place constructively, without unnecessary dramas, without unnecessary tantrums and hassles. Very satisfied with the result.
At first I used only the word “yes”, now I use it: true, exactly, true, I agree, absolutely true.
There are 8 video lessons in the course. View >>