I panic at the slightest provocation

“I’m at a loss for any surprise,” complains 40-year-old Valeria, a lawyer. “If the computer freezes or pantyhose are torn before the meeting, I feel confused, I don’t know what to do, and in a hurry I do whatever!” Clinical psychologist Tatyana Voskresenskaya believes that “the cause of panic in such cases is primarily fear. The feeling of helplessness is accompanied by the conviction that the situation cannot be resolved, and there is a fear of dire consequences that seem inevitable.

Too fast imagination. Valeria says that sometimes a chain of associations runs through her head like a whirlwind, which leads far from the initial event: “Everyone will understand that I won’t be able to cope, I won’t have time to complete the task, I’ll be fired, I won’t be able to pay the rent …” “There is a feeling its worthlessness, – continues Tatyana Voskresenskaya. – And with it pity (“How small and helpless I am!”) Or self-loathing (“I’m just insignificant”). Imagination instantly draws frightening pictures, “horror stories” in the form of a rapidly approaching “universal catastrophe”, with fantasies about what kind of horrors the incident could turn into (fire, flood, risk of spending the rest of your life on the street, etc.). We involuntarily learn such a reaction in childhood, when, at the request of our parents, we try to “think carefully about how this could end.”

Underestimation of one’s abilities. A sudden feeling of helplessness visits those who lack faith in their own strength. Feeling that the situation is getting out of control, they cannot adapt to it and are acutely worried about it. “This problem is very early,” explains Tatyana Voskresenskaya, “and is connected with the fact that the process of separation, psychological separation from the mother, has not been completed. The crisis of the age of three (“Mom, I myself!”) Was not passed on time. Perhaps the mother did not feel needed enough (for example, dad), and therefore it was important for her to be absolutely necessary at least for her own child. And unconsciously she did just that, suggesting to him that he could do nothing without her. The mother did not let go, and the child never broke away from her. As a result, instead of initiative and curiosity, there is helplessness, guilt and shame. And the need for someone who will support and tell you how to “do the right thing.” Desire to receive support. Often in a panic, a person rushes to call or runs to someone he trusts (sometimes, in fact, to his mother). “It is interesting that such a “trifle” as the incompetence of a trusted person in a specific issue is not taken into account, Tatyana Voskresenskaya notes. – At such moments, the most important thing is to get not advice, but support. And when the understanding comes – “I am not alone with the problem”, the person calms down, clarity appears (for example, the idea of ​​​​finding a specialist who will fix the computer). Many of us live with the belief that we should only ask for support if we have a good reason to ask for it. If the need for attention accumulates, we unconsciously begin to create such reasons. The causeless inflating of the problem, which at first glance has no real basis, hides a deep need – to be loved.