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Sometimes we find ourselves involuntarily talking out loud to ourselves. At home or on the street, alone or in public, in excitement or in moments of reflection … There is nothing reprehensible in this, but, noticing the puzzled looks of others, we feel awkward. Where does this habit come from and how to deal with it?
“It’s like I’m writing subtitles for my life,” admits 37-year-old Alexandra. – Everything I’m going to do, I comment out loud: “It’s warm today, I’ll put on a blue skirt”, “I’ll withdraw a couple of thousand from the card, it should be enough.” If my friend hears, it’s not scary – he’s used to it. But in a public place, people start looking askance at me, and I feel stupid.”
It helps me to focus
Speaking aloud our actions, we do not seek communication at all – so why not just be silent?
“The need for comments appears when the task at hand requires concentration,” notes psychotherapist Andrey Korneev, a specialist in somatic psychology. — In everyone’s life there was a period when we described aloud everything that we did or were going to do. Although, perhaps, we do not remember him: it happened at the age of about three years. Such speech addressed to no one is a natural stage of development; it helps the child to orient himself in the objective world, move from spontaneous reactions to conscious actions and learn how to manage them. Then the external speech “curls up”, passes into the internal, and we stop noticing it.”
A strong emotion is a surge of energy, and it requires some kind of manifestation outside so that we can get rid of excess tension.
But it can “turn around” again and sound aloud if we perform some complex sequence of operations, for example, we assemble an electronic circuit or cook a dish according to a new recipe. Its function is the same: it facilitates the manipulation of objects and helps to plan them.
Elena, 41, teacher of Norwegian
“Criticizing myself out loud, and even scolding, was a habit for me. I never thought about it and somehow involuntarily made a remark to myself in the psychotherapist’s office. And he asked: “Who told little Lena that she was a klutz?” It was like a revelation: I remembered that this is how the school teacher scolded me. And I stopped talking like that – because I don’t think so, these words are not mine!
I vent my emotions
Exclamations that do not imply the addressee can be a manifestation of strong feelings: indignation, delight. Once Pushkin, alone, “clapped his hands and shouted “Oh yes Pushkin! hey son of a bitch!” – He was so pleased with his work. Replicas “if only it had passed!” student before the exam, “so what to do with it?” accountant on a quarterly report and what we say, looking after the train we missed – they all have the same reason.
“The statement in such a situation serves as an emotional release and is often accompanied by an energetic gesture,” explains Andrey Korneev. “A strong emotion is a surge of energy, and it requires some kind of external manifestation so that we can get rid of excess tension.” I continue to have an internal dialogue. Sometimes we seem to look at ourselves from the outside – and evaluate, scold, read lectures.
The strong feeling we experienced in the past found no way out and remained locked inside
“If these are monotonous statements in which the same assessments sound, little dependent on changing circumstances, this is a consequence of an emotional trauma that we most likely received in childhood,” Andrei Korneev believes. “The unresolved conflict turns into an internal one: one part of us is in conflict with another.”
The strong feeling that we experienced in the past found no way out and remained locked inside. For example, we could not express anger towards our parents. And we relive it, repeating aloud the words once addressed to us.
What to do?
Separate your thoughts from those of others
Who speaks to us during such monologues? Are we really expressing our own thoughts and judgments, or are we repeating what our parents, relatives, or close friends once told us?
“Try to remember who it was. Imagine that this person is now in front of you, – Andrey Korneev suggests. – Listen to his words. Find an answer that you can give now as an adult, based on your life experience and knowledge. As a child, you may have been confused or scared, didn’t know what to say, or were afraid. Today you have something to say, and you will be able to protect yourself. This exercise helps complete the experience.
Try to be quieter
“If pronunciation of actions helps, there is no need to try to get rid of it,” Andrey Korneev reassures. – And if at the same time disapproving glances or comments from others who do not want to be aware of your plans interfere, then try to avoid them.
What to do for this? Speak quietly, in a whisper. This is just that rare case when the more promiscuous, the better. Then the people around you will not suspect for a second that you are talking to them, and there will be less embarrassing situations. Gradually, you can switch to silent pronunciation, this is a matter of training. Look closely and you will notice other people moving their lips near the store shelf with twenty kinds of cereals. But that doesn’t stop anyone.
Prepare in advance
Make a grocery list when going to the store. Calculate the time when going to the train. Learn all exam tickets. Planning and careful preparation will eliminate the need to think on the go and worry out loud. Of course, there are emergencies that do not depend on us and that cannot be foreseen. But, hand on heart, we admit that they rarely happen.