“I never wanted sex”: should asexuality be treated?

The topic of sex has recently become less and less taboo and more and more in demand – they talk about it, write about it, even sing about it. However, there are people who remain indifferent to him – these are asexuals. They do not experience sexual attraction and do not understand the pleasure that intimacy can bring.

Alexey, 35 years old

I did not have a specific moment of awareness of asexuality. I’m not one of those who consider sex something dirty. But at the same time, I never felt the desire to have sex – including with girls that I kind of like.

At the age of 22-23, I came across the term itself on the Internet. Thought it fit my condition. Now I generally like girls, but I don’t feel a strong romantic attraction to anyone in particular. In addition, I never had the desire to build a relationship.

I know people who find a couple, but asexuality at least complicates communication for them, if not completely prevents it. However, my situation is different. I admit that asexuality can pass or be transformed.

Accordingly, under the influence of various factors, it can change.

There is also such a thing as “demisexuality” – when sexual attraction appears only when a deep emotional connection with a person is formed. This is different from “sex only for love” – with demisexuality, a person does not have attraction, as with asexuality, but manifests itself when a deep emotional connection is formed.

So, if a demisexual has never deeply attached to anyone, he can consider himself asexual. And then, if it does happen, assume that asexuality has passed.

Anton, 27 years old

I lived like an ordinary child, except for one thing – I did not understand the topic of sexuality. It was something far away for me, like the Aztec pyramids or quantum mechanics.

Back in the fifth grade, I saw a kissing couple of sixth graders and thought: “In a year, with a wave of a magic wand, this will happen to me.” But it didn’t happen. It was not clear to me why watch porn if there are TV shows, KVN and cartoons. Of course, I was in the general stream of schoolchildren who learned about sex, but I was superfluous.

At the age of 16, puberty began. My classmates then began to show an increased interest in prettier classmates, and my brain sounded the alarm. “Why don’t I want to spend more time with girls? Maybe I’m not like everyone else? I thought then.

Because of this fear, I started dating girls.

In general, nothing happened. There was no relationship, and no.

However, I have a full life. I play sports, walk, play and work. But I perceive any interest of a love plan as a problem that needs to be got rid of in one way – the friend zone.

Can a person stop being asexual? It’s hard to give a definite answer. This is a stable comfortable state from which there is no reason to get out. But man lives in a dynamic society. Parents or some other people will use all possible tools for a person to start a family and fulfill his biological program.

The asexual himself does not need this. He always has to either tell the truth (that he does not need a relationship), or lie that he is still looking for the same one. If he succumbs to persuasion, he will have to play someone else’s role.

Anastasia, 32 years old

All people are born asexual, at first we do not have attraction to the opposite sex, it comes later – during adolescence. But this desire never came to me: as I was born asexual, I remained so. I just never thought about sex.

I always had a lot of hobbies, first studying, then a career, I didn’t have a question about dates. There was a funny story when a guy with whom we talked for a long time called me home to watch the movie The Green Mile. The movie is quite serious, I wanted to watch it, and I was pleased with his company. But when he began to undress, I sincerely did not understand what was happening.

For 10 years I have been in a civil marriage with an asexual like me. Parents are perplexed: “How can you not have children, how can you live together for so long and not have children ?!” It is difficult to explain that there are other entertainments besides intimacy.

For me, what sex, what a run – the same thing: sweat, heart palpitations, and then you have to go to the shower. Someone loves borscht, someone loves lasagna, someone does not eat mushrooms, and someone does not eat meat. Everyone has their own preference. If a person does not like sex, then what’s the big deal?

Life is extremely diverse, and everyone finds employment according to their spirit. For example, I have a lot of cacti, but I do not think that everyone needs to urgently breed them.

Anastasia Ott, psychologist-sexologist:

In the case of asexuality, it is important to start from each individual person. Of course, there are people who have no need for sex, but they are extremely few. There are many more who have ceased to experience attraction after certain events. Even an unsuccessful experience gained in childhood can leave an imprint on the manifestation of sexuality, on the prohibition of feeling.

And already in adolescence, when the phase of knowing oneself through the body begins, for such people it remains missed. Here it is important to look at what blocks the libido and work with it. And also to awaken the body at the physical level – for example, with the help of various bodily practices. As a rule, a lot of emotions are raised in this process, and a lot of energy is also released.