I need to be alone: ​​how to find time for yourself if you are in a relationship

Our idea of ​​ideal relationships is shaped by dangerous stereotypes. Usually they offer to give up their individuality for the sake of a long life together.

You don’t do what you want. You do what we want we.

You don’t have your own opinion. There is only yours opinion.

You don’t have personal space. You common space.

All-consuming intimacy is beautiful only in fairy tales and dreams. In life, it is meaningless, unstable and dangerous.

Everyone needs some time to be alone. We want to occupy free space and not apologize for it, to sit in solitude so that no one touches or distracts us – it’s easier to “digest” the vicissitudes of the past day. We only want to feel the air we breathe and the silence.

And it is especially necessary to be alone when we are in a relationship. This does not mean that you do not care about your partner, you do not want to spend leisure time with him or are ready to be around only for a limited time. This means you value your individuality just as much as your relationship.

I love spending time alone, as well as waking up next to my partner in the morning. If you’re like me, here are a few ways you can be alone if you’re in a healthy relationship.

Give yourself the highest priority

Sometimes you have to put other people’s interests above your own, but not always. Don’t be afraid to be seen as selfish. You cannot help another person if you yourself are not well. Tell your partner what you need, even if they don’t quite understand you. You have the right to be in silence and solitude, even if you are in a passionate relationship or just started dating.

Plan “escapes”

I’m not suggesting to put things in a bundle and go wherever your eyes look. I advise you to get out of the familiar environment from time to time. Take the keys and get behind the wheel with no definite destination in mind. Set aside an evening to stroll around an area you haven’t been to before. Of course, the partner must be left at home. It is important to allow yourself to be alone with your thoughts, to think about problems, perhaps to open up from new sides – this moves us forward.

Read

Schedule time on a daily or weekly basis to get lost in the pages of someone else’s history. Put on a comfortable sweater, sit in a corner, cover yourself with a blanket and lazily flip through the pages. Reading is not only a way to relax, it is also an opportunity to move thousands of miles away from your partner, even if he is sitting in the next room.

Keep in touch

It depends on your relationship with your partner whether you can truly enjoy your time in solitude. If you communicate simply, easily and with mutual desire, everything is in order. Everyone has self-doubt from time to time, and relationships fuel that insecurity. So talk to each other more often and let’s speak out to a loved one.

Listen as much as you speak. If you are attentive enough to your partner, during solitude you will not be bothered by doubts, worries or guilt. And if he misses you, then he will perceive your regular “escapes” with a book as an unwillingness to communicate and will feel rejected.

Be honest

Honesty is the most important element in the fight for personal time. Be honest with yourself and your needs. Try to understand exactly what you need. Are you spending time alone for yourself or running away from relationships? Are you as happy in solitude as you are with your partner, or do you try to spend more time apart because you are more comfortable in solitude than in a couple?

Set your own rules

Do not deny yourself personal time because you are afraid of someone else’s reaction. Admitting that you need to be alone is unsexy and unromantic. For this reason, many couples forever bind themselves to each other. Do not do this. Be yourself – an individual and an active participant in a happy relationship. Don’t fall prey to stereotypes about perfect couples. In the end, everyone needs some alone time.

Source: Huffington Post.