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I’m already an adult: how to properly respond to teen antics
He becomes strange and uncontrollable, behaves defiantly, experiments with hair and clothes, is rude, smokes, slams the door and turns on the music at full volume. The child with whom you were so close, fenced off from you, disappears, throwing offensive: “Leave me alone, I’m not small!” – and you are afraid that you will never be able to understand it. Don’t be discouraged: your son or daughter still needs you, and perhaps even more than before.
At a new stage, a teenager needs to reconsider his attitude to the world and close people, to build himself up anew, and parents need to help the child in his formation: to be close, keeping a distance, to love no matter what.
We have selected for you the most useful from the book published by Clever … The experts who wrote the book are the best child and adolescent psychologists.
He does not keep order and does not clean the room.
Not only does the teenager not clean his room – he demands that we do not wipe the dust on his table, do not put scattered discs and pieces of paper in piles. Perhaps he even stated that he would like to put a lock on his door so that outsiders would not enter him without knocking. “Outsiders” are primarily parents.
WHAT TO DO?
Recognize the primacy of the child in this piece of space. Yes, now you have to negotiate the possibility of cleaning up here, rearranging something on the shelves or replacing furniture. Ask him to vacuum at his place when it is convenient for him. And it would be good if he took the time to sort out on his desk and wipe the dust, which is not good for his equipment.
When it comes to knocking, make it a rule before the child formulates it. But ask him to knock on your room too.
Why do teens always shirk? And why are we so annoyed by their laziness?
Hormonal changes during puberty are accompanied by a constant feeling of fatigue: you cannot grow fifteen centimeters in a year and not feel tired. But the teenager is also messing around because he does not know what to do with himself. He is no longer interested in children’s games, and he has not yet found new hobbies. Parents’ activities (work, household, entertainment) seem stupid to him. He wants neither to be like them, nor to be an obedient puppet. But instead of getting angry, why don’t we put things off ourselves?
WHAT TO DO?
Inactivity gives the student the opportunity to reflect and thus better understand himself and his life. Let him lie quietly, however, do not let him do it too often. There are commitments that must not be neglected, or you may fall hopelessly behind in school or become a truly lazy person.
Teenagers 13-14 years old tend to slip away from their parents, because they feel that the time has come to become independent. Hence the sudden appearance of petty deceptions, omissions.
WHAT TO DO?
There is nothing to be done, transitional age means the beginning of “opaque” relationships with children, and you have to put up with this in order not to slow down the natural process of growing up.
It is a different matter when it comes to serious deception. Forging a signature on a document or money stolen from your wallet are such serious offenses that you need to decisively intervene, clarify your position and control the teenager for some time.
Think about the possible reasons for the cheating. Is he having difficulties in school? Does he have enough pocket money? Are you giving him enough freedom? Most often, children are forced to lie to their parents, who themselves can fail, deceive the child, or do not give him any opportunity to show independence. Some teenagers are constantly lying, dreaming up exciting lives for themselves.
It is also possible that the “shameful” details of the family history are hidden from them. Unconsciously, adolescents reproduce the behavior of their parents. And then you should be the first to start telling the truth.
This is not the first time your teen comes home late than expected without warning you.
WHAT TO DO?
The task of the parents is to define the rules and insist on their observance, and the teenager’s job is to tirelessly bargain over them and bypass the prohibitions. Take this for granted, and you will only have to clearly define the time no later than which the teenager can return home.
Sometimes, as an exception, he may come back later. If your son or daughter is 15 minutes late, don’t find fault. But still remind about the rules in order to avoid misunderstandings later.
If he is two hours late, mark it and punish him – for example, ban the next party.
High school students try to offend their parents with swear words, shock them, piss them off in order to measure their power over them and confirm their own emotional independence from them. But whatever the reasons behind the child’s behavior, parents should not allow themselves to be abused.
WHAT TO DO?
Your task is to draw the line between words and emotions in order to keep the dialogue with the teenager. Do not shout to shout, rude to rudeness, refuse to continue the conversation in that tone, offer to think about what is happening and return to the discussion later. And even more so, do not cross into someone else’s territory, using youth slang: the language of adolescents is not for adults.