Time is running out, the clock is ticking louder, and there is no potential father on the horizon. What to do? Our columnist Anna Berman shared her thoughts.
I remember looking with envy at women with big belly. The way they, waddling a little from foot to foot, chose cribs and strollers, how they entered the departments with children’s things. I tried to get past them as quickly as possible, so as not to think that I was not yet a mother and it was not known when I would become one. I stopped visiting friends who have children. With tears, I learned about another friend who got pregnant and mentally deleted her phone number. I wanted a child. No, not so … HO-TE-LA. Not married, not a prince in his thirties, namely a baby, with arms, legs, a snub nose and curly hair. A girl or a boy – it doesn’t matter, just my baby.
At one point, my desire became almost obsessive. I worked as a journalist at the scene of the tragedy. And I realized that if I am suddenly gone today, then even a particle will not remain on the ground. Not long in the memory of friends, but no continuation. Even if this is already overused, but I would like someone to sing in my voice.
It would seem that this is the problem, give birth. Modern technologies make it possible to get pregnant even in the most difficult case. And if everything is really difficult, find a surrogate mother. But where can I find a real father? No, I’m not scary, not problematic, my head doesn’t hurt, I cook borscht. But by my 35, I never got a beloved man. There were many male friends, male colleagues around, we could sit with them for a mug, discuss work, laugh, but I returned home alone. The romantic relationship ended with short spa appointments and a couple of passionate kisses after a stormy Friday night. You will definitely not get pregnant from this. From whom to give birth, if time is running out? If in a little over thirty years a worthy man has not met on the horizon, where can one find him in a few months, or even weeks?
A holiday romance
Probability: high.
Danger: very high.
You can’t count on a long-term relationship. But the likelihood of getting pregnant increases. On the sea and sun, you will relax a little, the psychological pressure will disappear, fertility will increase. The main thing is to guess the moment so that your two weeks come out on the most favorable period. And choose the country where our men go to rest without their soulmates. Or where there are many local men who are ready for a quick relationship. The hotel is closer to the center, no family options, there will be nobody to have a holiday romance with.
In this scenario, everything is fine, except for the danger of not getting pregnant, but getting sick. Therefore, the degree of danger is very high.
Not a prince
Probability: high.
Danger: low.
When we are looking for our soul mate, we are looking for just a soul mate. A person with similar interests, social status, education. But if time is really running out, it may be worth lowering the requirements for the father-to-be. In any case, from him you do not need to quote German philosophers, but something else, more material. Suppose you are the head of a department, and he is an unemployed poet or a security guard in a nearby supermarket. The main thing in this case is not to build a family, but to get a child and quietly and peacefully disperse, otherwise there is a danger that you will have to take on yourself a man who is not quite adapted to life.
Donor
Probability: very high.
Danger: low.
Yes, donor banks are one of the most realistic options for becoming a mother. This is a bit like a pig in a poke, because in such establishments you are only offered a baby photo of the candidate and his zodiac sign. I would prefer to get a health card, it is possible without a photo to make sure of good heredity. Alternatively, you can apply for material not to Russian organizations, but to European banks, there are more checks and a responsible attitude towards clients.
There are donors who offer their services in reality. That is, you will know from whom exactly you received the material. Such donors present photos of their children and are ready to take the necessary tests. The trouble is that among such non-anonymous donors there are scammers or lovers of one-time sex.
Close friend
Probability: average.
Danger: low.
I do not believe that among your colleagues or acquaintances there is no such man whom you can ask for a “favor.” Very often, classmates who have long been in love with you are perfect for this role. Another question is that you still have to contact the father of your child in the future. And here anything can happen. He suddenly decides to take part in the upbringing of the baby, or you suddenly burn with the desire to tell the child who his father is, or, even worse, demand child support. It is important to trust this person one hundred percent.
How to offer? I would try to come up with this question at a party. If your proposal dazzles, the next day you can say that it was just a drunk joke, very unfortunate.
The man I love
Probability: low.
Danger: low.
If none of the options suits you, then we will wait and hope that fate will still send the one and only. It may take a couple of months to wait, or maybe many years. In this case, for safety reasons, I would try to send several of my own eggs for storage, so as not to lose the opportunity to become the mother of my own child.
instead of an epilogue
Nevertheless, I became a mother. From my beloved man, whom I saw among my close friends, I just did not even know that he had feelings for me. And I didn’t understand that he was not at all indifferent to me, because in any incomprehensible situation I was there, helped and supported. So this time he supported. And I am happy.