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Getting a driver’s license for some of us is not the key to independence, not the opportunity to prove our new skill, but a terrible test that we constantly put off.
“As I imagine myself behind the wheel: there are so many things to remember! Steering wheel, gas, brake, lots of rules… I just barely breathe when I think about it, admits 44-year-old Alexandra. “Maybe I shouldn’t take my driving license. Suddenly I will be a bad driver, a threat to others on the road? But Alexandra is a person with a higher education, an experienced archive worker, a mother of three children, she knows and can do a lot. So why does she, like many of her comrades in misfortune, think that she will not be able to pass on the rights?
I avoid possible failures. You can’t get a driver’s license without an exam, even two: first you need to pass the theory (rules of the road), then driving. But the very thought of doing so is troubling to many, “it awakens in us the fear of failure associated with exams,” explains psychoanalyst Virginie Meggle (Virginie Meggle). Anxiety of this kind is often combined with a heightened sense of responsibility, which is characteristic of those who are accustomed to caring for others.
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I draw a catastrophic scenario. Avoiding getting a driver’s license in every possible way can also be those whose imagination is filled with frightening thoughts: “I will not manage to drive”, “I risk becoming the culprit of an accident” … “A car that we do not have yet becomes the object of our fantasies, and we may unconsciously project thoughts of death onto him,” the psychoanalyst points out.
It’s hard for me to grow up. The inability to drive a car puts us in a dependent position. “It’s often a sign that we’re having a hard time growing up,” continues Virginie Meggle. – The fear of losing all the advantages of childhood is stronger than the natural desire to gain independence. It happens that parents, not realizing this problem, insist that their child pass on the rights, thereby reinforcing his inner protest. And then, instead of driving the car on our own, we prefer to depend on someone to give us a lift if necessary.
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- Why do we drive like this?
My decision
Galina, 34 years old, nurse
“When my mother was nervous, she drove very risky, even if my brother and I were in the back seat. And she often told me that I was good for nothing. It took me many years to overcome my fear and decide to drive. I asked my husband to teach me how to drive. I was calmer with him than with a driving school instructor. I told myself that my mother was wrong and that I would succeed. And so it happened: after six months of training, I got a driver’s license on the first try.
What to do
Move forward step by step
Divide obtaining a driver’s license into separate segments (sign up for courses, buy a collection of tickets …). And continue to shorten these segments until the task on each of them seems feasible to you (sign up for courses: first find the ones closest to the house, then dial the number and agree …). Enjoy what you already do and improve what you can improve with practice. And don’t think of getting your license as the end of the road, because you’ll still be learning.
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- “No” means “maybe”
live in the present
Constantly thinking about failures in the future (“I will fill up the traffic rules”, “I will confuse the gas with the brake” …), we lose touch with the present. To restore it, switch to immediate experiences (“No danger threatens me during the lesson or in this stationary car”), do not look too far into the future and do not miss the chance to enjoy the present.
Validate your choice
To pass on the rights does not mean to become like everyone else. If you dismiss driving as dangerous or violent behavior, consider that the choice of driving style is entirely up to you. You can take any precautions you wish, such as driving only during the day and avoid speeding.