One typo — and they are already wrinkling … Some of us are painfully afraid of making a mistake when writing. What is it — the perfectionism of an excellent student or a manifestation of an anxious character? And is it possible to stop worrying so much?
“I am so afraid of making a mistake that I only write what is necessary,” admits 30-year-old Irina. – No sms, no comments on Facebook: (an extremist organization banned in Russia) there is no automatic verification there! I read a two-line message ten times before sending it. What kind of spontaneity is there … ”But caution is evident: after all, a letter can be sent as many times as you like with all the errors that are there. How many people will wince reading it!
Learned helplessness. Why not re-read your message dozens of times before sending, why not spend this time checking the words that are in doubt? After all, there are electronic dictionaries. “If a person is taught from childhood that he makes mistakes not because he has not yet mastered the literacy, but because he himself is somehow“ not like that ”, over time it becomes more and more difficult for him to overcome this idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbhimself,” explains cognitive psychologist Maria Falikman. “And at some point, he just stops trying to be more attentive when writing, assuming in advance that his attempts are doomed to failure.”
Fear of evaluation. In addition, spelling for any of us is initially associated with the evaluation situation. And in the literal sense. “In elementary school, we learned the idea of success … along with the rules of spelling: we were given good grades for correctly spelled words, bad marks for misspelled words,” recalls Maria Falikman. And for these marks, perhaps, they were still scolded or punished at home. Fear of strict parents, shame in front of a teacher who makes fun of mistakes in front of the whole class — repeated, these situations accumulate in the form of negative experiences that can affect us in adulthood. “And we feel anxiety just because, in principle, we can make mistakes, regardless of whether we actually make mistakes,” emphasizes Maria Falikman.
Perfectionism. A special sensitivity to the possibility of a miss also appears due to the habitual desire to always and in everything show the best results. “From early childhood, our parents expect outstanding success from many of us,” says school psychologist Natalya Evsikova. – Achievements of children are a matter of pride for almost all parents. But sometimes they also turn into a confirmation of their parental competence and even human value. And in this case, the success of children is given extraordinary importance: after all, the self-esteem of parents depends on them. In children who grew up in such families, increased demands on themselves eventually turn into a character trait. The bar is set very high, and failures are perceived tragically.” Attempts to avoid mistakes sometimes lead to the fact that we generally refuse to do even what is interesting or pleasant for us.