One typo – and they are already wrinkling … Some of us are painfully afraid of making a mistake when writing. What is it – the perfectionism of an excellent student or a manifestation of an anxious character? And is it possible to stop worrying so much?
“I’m so afraid of making a mistake that I write only the most necessary,” admits 30-year-old Irina. – No sms, no comments on Facebook: there is no automatic verification there! I read a two-line message ten times before sending it. What kind of spontaneity is there … ”But caution is evident: after all, a letter can be sent as many times as you like with all the errors that are there. How many people will wince reading it!
Learned helplessness. Why not re-read your message dozens of times before sending, why not spend this time checking the words that are in doubt? After all, there are electronic dictionaries. “If a person is taught from childhood that he makes mistakes not because he has not yet mastered the literacy, but because he himself is somehow“ not like that ”, over time it becomes more and more difficult for him to overcome this idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbhimself,” explains cognitive psychologist Maria Falikman. “And at some point, he just stops trying to be more attentive when writing, assuming in advance that his attempts are doomed to failure.”
Fear of evaluation. In addition, spelling for any of us is initially associated with the evaluation situation. And in the literal sense. “In elementary school, we learned the idea of success … along with the rules of spelling: we were given good grades for correctly spelled words, bad marks for misspelled words,” recalls Maria Falikman. And for these marks, perhaps, they were still scolded or punished at home. Fear of strict parents, shame in front of a teacher who makes fun of mistakes in front of the whole class – repeated, these situations accumulate in the form of negative experiences that can affect us in adulthood. “And we feel anxiety just because, in principle, we can make mistakes, regardless of whether we actually make mistakes,” emphasizes Maria Falikman.
Galina, 38 years old, economist
“I stopped being afraid of mistakes after one incident. At a corporate training, the presenter wrote something wrong on the blackboard. I sarcastically remarked: if he was going to teach us, it would be good to learn it yourself first. In response, he smiled: “Thank you, I have been at odds with spelling all my life. If you notice another mistake, let me know.” He was corrected several times, he calmly crossed out the letter and wrote the right one. At the same time, no one doubted that he was competent as a leader. Moreover, everyone liked his friendly reaction. Now, if I made a mistake, I say “thank you” to the one who noticed it (including myself), correct it and move on. And it’s not just about spelling.
What to do?
Warn others
By openly admitting our shortcomings, we stop being afraid that others will notice them. Instead of being numb with fear of possible exposure, it is worth, for example, to create an automatic signature in an e-mail message: “I apologize for possible typos.” This will make you feel less vulnerable.
Clarify the purpose
In some cases, absolute literacy is really necessary – for example, if we apply for the position of proofreader. But much more often we have another goal – to accurately convey information. By setting one goal instead of two, we are more likely to successfully achieve it.
Allow yourself (and others) to make mistakes
“It is human nature to err” – such an observation was made by the wise men of Antiquity. Each of us has areas where we are competent, there are others in which we are ignorant and inept. By reminding ourselves of this, we can become more tolerant and stop getting annoyed about the mistakes that others and ourselves make.
Perfectionism. A special sensitivity to the possibility of a miss also appears due to the habitual desire to always and in everything show the best results. “From early childhood, our parents expect outstanding success from many of us,” says school psychologist Natalya Evsikova. – Achievements of children are a matter of pride for almost all parents. But sometimes they also turn into a confirmation of their parental competence and even human value. And in this case, the success of children is given extraordinary importance: after all, the self-esteem of parents depends on them. In children who grew up in such families, increased demands on themselves eventually turn into a character trait. The bar is set very high, and failures are perceived tragically.” Attempts to avoid mistakes sometimes lead to the fact that we generally refuse to do even what is interesting or pleasant for us.