“I’m 50 and I don’t aspire to look younger”

We are born with unconditional love for ourselves, but we gradually lose this gift.

Elena Bogdanova, author of the youtube blog “Stylish Minimalist”

When I say that I do not want to look younger, of course, I am a little cunning. I like the way I look, I know a lot of tricks on how to present myself in a more advantageous way, and I talk about it on my blog. However, recently, against the cultivated cult of youth and the golden calf, my inner protest has been growing.

It is enough to open any social network, and in a couple of minutes we are flooded with a huge amount of information from stylists on how to look younger with the help of clothes and makeup. Facebook building adherents show how to save the face of a twenty-year-old girl after 50. Cosmetologists talk about the secret markers of youth and immediately offer to smooth out the rings on the neck and fill in the temporal cavities.

I think that fashion has gained a foothold in Russia largely due to the demographic situation: we have fewer men, as historically believed. And now the refusal to sell alcohol is a reason for joy. And if at the age of thirty you were called a woman, not a girl, this is a reason to be offended.

They may object to me, they say, women have wanted to look younger since the time of the primitive communal system. But then there were reasons for this: an even row of teeth, smooth skin and the absence of gray hair were regarded as a sign of good fertility. Deprived of this, the woman became a “useless” member of society.

Today, however, female realization is no longer limited to the function of childbearing, not only life expectancy is increasing, but also the value of our personality. As I got older, I became more free-spirited. I don’t like to put myself in some kind of frame and think, I look younger in this image or older.

A woman is constantly indebted to someone. And above all, she should look younger, this is fueled by advertising. A vivid example is a commercial for hair dye, where a famous actress looks at her gray hair with horror and disgust, as if she is trying to scare me to death. At the same time, I want to say: “Please, scare me thinner.”

Indeed, until the early eighties, we all did not even suspect what cellulite was, and did not try to fight it. Now manufacturers are just trying to capitalize on our fears.

We are born with unconditional love for ourselves, but we gradually lose this gift. If a woman allows herself to go gray, she is almost automatically recorded as marginalized. However, when she is intensely concerned with her appearance, this is also condemned. And even those who are recognized as an icon of youth – Salma Hayek, Jennifer Lopez – still hear reproaches on social networks that they look their age.

Favorite entertainment on social networks is posting someone’s photos and a heated discussion of the youthfulness of the heroines. Frankly, I went through a lot of anti-aging procedures, starting from 30 to 45-47 years old. Struggled with the signs, as it seemed to me then, of approaching old age. And then the fear of losing youth went away.

Now I like myself with makeup, but even without it, looking in the mirror, I do not feel horror and disgust. I don’t cover my gray hair anymore. I am not afraid to wear black, which, we are told, ages women of elegant age. I do not do cosmetic procedures designed to erase traces of age.

This does not mean that I have completely ceased to be interested in how I look. It’s just that from now on my own attitude towards myself is the only criterion by which I am guided.

“What do I want to do just for myself?” – an important question when moving to a new age

Daria Petrovskaya, gestalt therapist

I share the position of the heroine: everything has its time and its potential. The cultural features of the modern world as a whole are not connected with the need to be fruitful and multiply. The importance of fertility and attempts to do everything during this period faded into the background.

There are many options for development at any age, and then – already particular. It is important for someone to create a family, for someone it is important to develop independently. Attempts to keep up with youth are associated with competition and are rooted in antiquity, in subconscious fears of being an unnecessary member of society.

This is also due to the blurred understanding of the different role positions of women. It is clear what it is to be a daughter, a mother. But what are the functions of the grandmother now is not completely clear. In Soviet culture, it was the institution of grandmothers that had a huge impact on our development: they sat with their grandchildren while their parents worked, told fairy tales, cooked delicious cutlets and created pleasant childhood memories for us.

They became grandmothers after retirement, that is, after the working age ended. Thus, they remained important members of the family system in which they were included. Most often, a grandmother in our view is a kind and sexless creature exuding love and care.

But what if a modern grandmother is interested in working, communicating with men, traveling, but sitting with her grandchildren is not very interesting? These questions are dictated by the present.

Of course, it’s too early to write the heroine into the elderly. Rather, we are talking about age-related crises and what tasks we set for ourselves at each stage of our development, as well as taking responsibility for our lives.

If there is a desynchronization of the internal position and external circumstances, then the person feels like a loser, going “somewhere not there” (for example, she wanted to start a family, but it didn’t work out, and then approaching old age frightens).

If the main tasks that a person set for himself are fulfilled, then the transition to another age category becomes not so painful, and sometimes even interesting. It’s important to ask yourself, “What do I want to do for myself in my life?” and “How can I do this?”. As for caring for appearance, the main criterion, as the heroine rightly believes, has been and will be one – to like yourself.

Elena Bogdanova’s vlog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxGZ5EYX1dk