“I regret that I didn’t say “I love you” often enough, Yoko Ono once admitted. Therefore, do not expect anything and do not doubt anything, even realizing that these words will take your relationship to a new level.
Because these words are so meaningful to us, we sometimes find ourselves in confusion: to confess our love first or wait for recognition from a partner? And is there that perfect moment to open your heart?
Time for recognition
We receive conflicting advice from all sides. They say you need to make a confession:
- not before the fifth date;
- only two months later;
- waiting for the moment when you can no longer keep it to yourself.
It is advised not to confess your love before, during or immediately after sex, or when you are very excited. It is recommended not to say it first and, having heard a confession, not to give an answer until you have spent enough time together.
Examples make it clear how much importance we attach to the moment when it is worth opening the heart. However, it is obvious that here, as in everything connected with the magical state of falling in love, there are no exact formulas.
“For a long-term and deep relationship, the time is important, which will test the sincerity and willingness to accept each other, regardless of life circumstances,” says Aron Ben-Ziv, professor of philosophy at the University of Haifa. — Therefore, it would most likely be premature to tell the partner immediately about deep feelings and far-reaching intentions as about something decided.
Only the future can prove it. The partner may regard the haste as some frivolity. However, there is also love at first sight. And if you are experiencing strong emotions, then why not open them? Do not just get ahead of yourself, expect promises. You can just enjoy the happy moment.”
Phases of love
Everyone needs a different time to realize the depth of their feelings and be ready for recognition. It is also important to consider our gender identity. Men tend to do it earlier and more readily. According to studies, it takes about 88 days for them to say «I love you», while for women this interval is 124 days. 39% of men confess within the first month of dating, and only 23% of women are ready to voice their feelings so quickly.
We live differently and realize the emerging feeling. However, this does not indicate how dear a person is to us. The one who falls in love faster can cool off just as quickly. What to do if you heard a declaration of love, but are not ready to utter the same words in response?
Love can develop asymmetrically, because this feeling does not live according to laws and rules.
“Be honest with yourself and your partner,” says Ben-Ziv. — You should not say words in which you are not completely sure, just so as not to offend a loved one. If he is dear to you, tell him about it and specify that you need time to realize your feelings.
Don’t play love at first sight if it doesn’t suit your feelings. An equally deep connection can arise over time. But, if you are experiencing strong emotions, you do not need to hide them just because the other is not yet ready for reciprocal manifestations. Love can develop asymmetrically, because this feeling does not live according to laws and rules.
“Perhaps, before you say “I love you”, you will be called affectionate names, they will say that they love certain qualities in you, says cognitive psychologist Olga Tokach. — If a person is not moving along the emotional road as fast as you expect, this does not mean that his feelings are not deep enough. You need to respect his internal psychological pace, which may not coincide with yours.
«You’re the love of my life»
If you tell a person that they are the greatest love of your life, you may be embarrassing them. After all, it is obvious that you expect a similar recognition from him. So you create a kind of rating, behind the scenes urging your partner to reconsider their past.
If you do not receive a response, this is by no means a sign that he (a) doubts his feelings for you. Every love story has its own value. When you call on your loved one to make a choice, you question the significance of the relationship they experienced before meeting you.
“The statement “You are the love of my life,” said at the very beginning of your story, may cause bewilderment for a partner who is not yet ready to confess his feelings in return,” says Olga Tokach. “It may take longer than you expect to hear those words back.”
“It doesn’t matter who makes the first confession, as well as who repeats the words of love more often,” says Aaron Ben-Ziv. — It doesn’t matter what kind of love partner you turned out to be for your lover and whether he (a) loved someone before meeting you. Only sincerity of feelings, the ability to accept each other’s differences and the joy that we share a life path with a loved one are important.