I lash out at people

«Hello! I have a problem — I constantly experience a lot of stress when I drive a car. I react very sharply to all sorts of unforeseen dangerous situations: when they drive around on the side of the road and wedged into the stream in front of me, when they cut or do not let me pass when it is not difficult. I have a strong anger, I just sometimes want to catch up with this car and physically deal with the driver. What to do? Because of the constant stress, everything in my life stopped working out: I became nervous, irritable, I take it out on my relatives. It seems that only evil can be expected from people and one does not want to live, there is no hope. Help me please»

1. Contact, support, attitude to work:

Hello, it seems that you have already considered the situation, because you clearly describe it. It is very good that there is a desire to move forward and change your condition. You ask the right question: «What to do?». I think we can find the answer.

However, I must warn you that there will be no “magic pill”. Before moving on, tell me, are you ready to make an effort and work on yourself?

The work is not difficult, but constant. Sometimes interesting, sometimes not so much. But doing it regularly to get the result is important.

Efforts are comparable to the efforts made to wash dishes: physically easy, while constantly.

I think you can handle it. What do you think? Are we working?

2. Clarification of the request, transfer of the format from the «problem» to the «task».

Let’s define what we will work on first, since you are voicing several topics at once:

1. Strong stress when driving a car.
2. Acute reaction to unforeseen dangerous situations.
3. Strong anger.
4. The desire to catch up and physically deal with the driver.
5. He became nervous and irritable.
6. I lash out at relatives.
7. It seems that only evil can be expected from people.
8. I don’t want to live.
9. There is no hope.

I will assume that item 1 will be selected

Tell us what you understand by the word stress. How do you feel it? What happens to your body when this happens? What do you DO when stressed?

How would you like it to be?

So, let’s formulate the Task. What do you want?

Translating a Problem into a Task: Negative Goal — Positive Goal — Action Plan — First Step

Possible options for developing a plan:

• How long do you need to drive for?
• How do you rest? How do you eat? Do you smoke?
• Tell me, what would you advise your friend if he told you that when driving in a car his whole body is tense and he feels bad?
• What else can you do?
• What helps you improve your mood?
• Are there situations when you feel good behind the wheel? Describe them.

In the course of the conversation, note and develop useful solutions and findings, direct reflections in the right direction.

3. Possible recommendations in the areas of Mind, Soul, Body:

Body:

First of all — an operational solution: if you feel that a wave of rage is rising, take a sharp breath — and keep the air in yourself, do not exhale. Hold, hold, hold as long as you can — by the way, this does not interfere with driving at all. And when you can no longer hold it and breathe out, you will find that there is no more rage. Well, good!

Next, pay attention to your health. Irritability rises when you are tired and unwell, and goes away when you feel great. Therefore, set up a rest mode. (Correct evening, Healthy sleep, Rest during the working day), move more, sports and a normal diet. By the way, consider the option of partial abandonment of the car. Taking public transport or walking at least once a week is good!

Mind:

1. It is very useful to change the attitude towards the behavior of other drivers: “Imagine that driving around the city is a special simulator. Your driving is trained in the mode of unexpected situations and each driver behind the wheel of another car is actually your coach. Or another option: give an example of a computer game where there are no drivers as such. Machines are playing. “There are just cars around you. Like other objects. In most cases, they move according to the rules, however, they can also go beyond the rules. Your task is to reach your destination safe and sound.”
2. Do Not Play Victim Exercise: Separate Your Actions and Circumstances. Am I doing, or are they doing to me?
3. Belief work («Everyone must ride by the rules and yield»). Acquaintance with the «Declaration of Acceptance of Reality».
4. «Why?» and why?». Form the habit of asking yourself the question: “why?” (Why am I tensing my muscles? Why am I angry? …)

Soul:

1. Diary of emotional state.
2. Calm presence. You can do the exercise: calmly look into your eyes, while monitoring the relaxation of your body. Then give DZ — train at least 15 minutes a day.
3. “Good” — write down what good things happened during the day. What good happened to him on the road? (How many times did he miss another car? Mark who missed him…)
4. Feeling pleasure: Pay attention to what he likes about driving. Give DZ — write down as many (at least 10) pleasures from driving as possible.
5. “If I loved…” You can start with yourself. If you loved yourself, would you allow yourself to behave this way? What would be better for you? What can be done for this?
6. In an acute situation:

Let’s agree on what you will do if the situation you described on the road arises: let’s say you were not allowed to pass.

Your actions?

Speak the situation, clarifying: are these your actions or circumstances? How else can you react? What else would you add to your behavior?

If the client himself cannot switch the state, as an option to facilitate the perception of the situation, conduct an «Anchor Collapse».

It can be recommended to “work out” emotions physically: gym, push-ups, running ..

Another option — in an acute situation, strongly strain the body and sharply relax.

4. Summing up:

At the beginning of the conversation, we agreed that we need to start acting. We discussed the general plan of action.

Tell us how you will do it?

How much time a day do you allocate for exercise?

Where will you start? What then? How often?

What will be done for our next meeting?

Discuss options for monitoring exercise performance.

For example: daily SMS or letters by mail, control and receipt of relatives, something else at the suggestion of the client.

Important! Listening to the answers, support, approve, carefully correct. We can advise you to start with the easiest.

In conclusion, once again emphasize that everything will work out. The main thing is to do.