I raised two sons, they themselves now have three children, and the most important rule in the family was: the elders take care of the younger ones, and the younger ones obey the elders. Roma is the youngest, and I always inspired him that the elder brother is the most important person for him, he must obey him, like mom and dad, grandparents. And when we were alone, she always told the eldest, Vadim, how to behave, so that his younger brother would respect him. Vadim never scolded Roma, cared about his authority. But Roma didn’t have to be scolded either, because it was Vadim’s job to deal with him.
I loved to communicate with my sons and tried to find games that would be interesting for them and useful for the family. The war game turned out to be very successful: I was usually the commander, and Vadim, as a captain by rank, reported to me about all the situations on the battlefield while I was preparing lunches and dinners.
“Comrade Captain, go to the barracks and see what Private Ivanov is doing (Roma was a few months old then)!” A few minutes later I hear a message: «Comrade commander, let me report, Private Ivanov has peed himself!»
When it was necessary to go to the store, I called Vadim and sent him on a business trip to another city, giving the order that he should get it there. He diligently bent his fingers so as not to forget something. I got on my bike and circled around the house. And when he returned, he told me on the fingers what he bought for the family, and in the end he proudly announced that, in addition to everything, he bought me a beautiful dress! I was just happy! Later, when he was at school, my children often went on excursions with the class to different cities, and the teacher Elena Nikolaevna always told me with admiration that only Vadim and Roma from the whole class spent their money on gifts for mom, dad, grandmother and grandfather. All the rest never even thought about their relatives and bought all sorts of goodies for themselves. I think that our games brought up attentiveness, kindness and caring in children.
We almost never scolded the younger one, because he was brought up with the help of a magic cap of invisibility. Once, when Roma was four years old and I worked at a school in elementary grades, Vadim quickly led me into the kitchen, closed the door and said: “Mom, now you will go into the room and see Roma. He will be wearing his father’s hat, and if there are two holes in the front of the hat, then you can’t see him.” It turns out that he found somewhere in the attic his father’s soldier’s panama hat, and told his brother that this hat was invisible. It only works if Roma behaves well. And for someone who behaves badly, the properties of this invisibility cap are lost. It turned out to be a great game!
I remember such a case, I come home, go to my room to change clothes, and I see my youngest standing in the corner of the room in an invisibility hat with two holes in front. Of course, I don’t see him at close range, but I need to change clothes, and the boy’s eyes are burning, what can he now see that is unlawful ?! I slowly take off my blouse, but I myself think what to do? Wow, I figured it out! I shout: “Vadik, I forgot to tell you!” And with that, I run out of the room. “Vadik, help me out, call this curious one, take him out of my room by any means.” Then I return to continue dressing and watch how Roman, having heard the call of his brother, reluctantly, with such a bright displeasure on his face, leaves the room — after all, you can’t disobey, the properties of the cap are lost. For a long time we played this wonderful game, only when the son grew up, the hat hit somewhere …
Now, in the families of my children, the rules are the same: the elders take care of the younger ones, the younger ones love the elders.
When they come to visit me, I am surprised at their organization. My eldest granddaughter Maya has an indisputable authority for everyone (and she is only ten years old), she listens to them for any reason, regrets, hugs them when she sees that one of them is bad, hurt or offended, maybe herself, as a sign of solidarity, to cry with them. The younger ones obey her: Maya warns me before going to bed so that I don’t worry and don’t get up to them at night, as she herself reads a book to them, at night she will take them to the toilet in turn. And in the morning she makes everyone laugh with stories about how they get up sleepy, in what positions they sleep, how she covers them. At home, children on weekends try not to wake their parents early — such is their agreement. Mom, of course, will cook everything for the children in the evening, the eldest puts food on a plate for everyone, heats it in the microwave and feeds her wards.
Children really grow up kind. In other families, I often saw how one child, screaming, takes something from another, but this has never happened with us. The younger Taisiya, seeing that Maya is lying on the sofa without a pillow, gets up and puts a pillow under her head.
It seems that children like to take care of someone — provided, of course, that the child receives status for this. And this does not only apply to our children. My granddaughter once complained to her parents that the boy Vanya was constantly offending her in kindergarten, pushing her, pulling her pigtails. Okay, so what to do? The next morning, in the group’s reception room, dad asked his daughter to call this boy to him, sat him down next to him, greeted him, shook hands with him, and in all seriousness asked Vanya to protect Maya, since she told her parents at home that she was the strongest in the group it is he. With what pride Vanya made a promise that from that day on no one would dare to offend Maya, he would always protect her! And the wolves are full, and the sheep are safe!
Maybe this principle will take root in your family? The elders take care of the younger ones, the younger ones love and obey the elders.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.