Probably, every woman at least once in her life noted with annoyance: she had absolutely nothing to wear. Moreover, the statement of this fact has nothing to do with the actual quantity and quality of things in the wardrobe. What do we really want to say, annoyed by the lack of outfits?
Kristina is 25 years old. She is slim, spectacular, dressed in the latest fashion – and yet she is sure that she has “nothing to wear”! “I struggle with this problem every morning,” she admits. And it doesn’t matter that her closets barely close: “There was a time when I just couldn’t walk past an open boutique, and when I entered, I couldn’t stop … When the debts were five times higher than my salary, I had to descend from heaven to earth.” Today, impulsive shopping is over for her. But the fear of “nothing to wear” remained. “I think this feeling is akin to the fear of “I have nothing to say” or “to say the wrong thing”, “to blurt something out”: just as there are rules in our language, there are dress codes in clothes, ”the culturologist and fashion historian reflects Ludmila Alyabeva.
Say – but about what? “About the attitude towards our own femininity, which always affects how we perceive our appearance,” explains psychologist Lydia Taieb*. “And this problem can arise at any age and at any level of income.” So it’s only known to women? On the one hand, the psychologist recalls, “to be beautifully dressed” for women has always meant “to attract the opposite sex,” and this association is passed down from generation to generation. But on the other hand, today men attach more and more importance to their appearance … “In this sense, they are characterized by even greater fears! – Lyudmila Alyabyeva is sure. – Here they are much more conservative than women who are prone to experiments in the dressing room and with their appearance in general. Let us recall, for example, the era of emancipation, the emergence of the so-called New Woman: then the choice of men and the victorious march around the planet of a business suit were largely associated with the male fear of “seeming ridiculous, not masculine enough …” But then why the desperate “Nothing to wear!” usually sounds from the lips of women?
Lightness is the most important thing in our relationship with clothes: let only the body dictate the rules of the game!
Dad, Mom, me
From early childhood, the girl builds her own image, seeing her reflection in the eyes of her father. “It is from her father’s attitude, attention, admiration and support that her ability to feel feminine, attractive and, in the broadest sense, worthy of love, will largely depend,” explains Lydia Taib. This masculine look is all the more important because it helps the future woman to internally separate from her mother, “serves as a protection from the feeling of maternal omnipotence, reminds the girl that in fact she is a separate person, not like her mother.” In addition, during the so-called “oedipal period” she will carry out her first experiences of seduction on her father: her attempts will be rejected, and this will later allow her to love another man.
The look of her mother is no less important for her, but its role is completely different: “It is as if there is a game of mirrors between them. In the image of the mother, the daughter finds elements of her femininity, the expression of which is certainly clothing. And the mother, for her part, projects onto her daughter an attitude towards her appearance, which will affect her female self-realization. Thus, for example, a girl whose mother is extremely preoccupied with her appearance will tend in the future to attach exaggerated importance to her wardrobe.
“If you think about it, the look with which we look at ourselves in the mirror almost does not belong to us,” continues Lyudmila Alyabyeva. – Rather, it reflects our vision of how other people will look (or looked) at us. Therefore, we dress for the most part for others: it is to them that we show our bodies, dressed in one way or another.
From ideal to reality
Excitement in front of an open wardrobe seems like nonsense … although in fact this is how our deep need for self-awareness reminds us of ourselves. It gives rise to self-doubt – from slight anxiety to real suffering. So, 32-year-old Nika has a rather painful relationship with her wardrobe: “It always comes from my mood – if it’s gone in the morning, I won’t find a single thing that could suit me. I take comfort in the fact that I put on jeans and a sweater “for protection”, which I wear until I buy myself something new. I put on a new thing like a new shell – and this gives me strength. Nika adds that she grew up in a family without a father and her, “if you remember, since childhood, no one called her truly beautiful.”
Some women do not wear clothes themselves – on the contrary, it is she who “wears” them, notes Lydia Taib: “In such cases, ease in relations with clothes, the playful aspect disappears: things are assigned a task that surpasses them. With their help, a woman hopes to become someone else, soothe her heartache, hide her true feelings behind a mask, realize some ideal idea of herself … ”But an open closet returns to reality, and going to the store for a new outfit does not always solve the problem. “It even happens the other way around: a purchase worsens the mood, because we feel that we have once again fallen into a trap,” says Lyudmila Alyabyeva. “After all, advertising or fashion magazines have been trying to impose on us for so long a feeling of our incompleteness, inferiority without any particular thing – but it turns out that life does not become more perfect with it!”
Clothing connects us and our body with the outside world. During periods of physical change (adolescence, pregnancy or menopause), a woman’s attitude towards herself changes, and this is reflected in her wardrobe. “A change of wardrobe – read the language, dialects – is often caused by such key periods in life,” continues Lyudmila Alyabyeva. – In transitional moments, we can feel uncertainty especially sharply: classmates will laugh; peers will misunderstand… Many women are afraid to return to work after maternity leave for fear of “missing the mark”, “falling out of the cage”.
“After the birth of my daughter, I stood in front of the closet in complete confusion,” recalls 36-year-old Elizabeth. – The big belly disappeared, I didn’t even get better – I just wasn’t able to put on my “old” things. I didn’t recognize myself and cried. Maybe I mourned the carefree young girl I used to be. And which my husband loved and desired … “
Shape of Desire
A masculine look, desire – that’s what else hides our relationship with clothes. Will I still be loved in these “old” things? Will I still be desirable if I wear the same thing? The projection of our fears, “clothing confusion” also betrays our anxiety that a love feeling can become dilapidated, “wear out” … “Clothes, like a second skin, not only cover our body, but also touch it, serve as a conductor between us and our partner , – Lidia Taib compares. – And so, her task is to make a woman an object of desire again and again, to arouse passion. And as a result – and expose a woman!
According to Lyudmila Alyabyeva, “the most important thing in our relationship with clothes is lightness. When we do not exist for the thing, but the thing exists, lives, changes for us. When clothes do not dictate the body what it should be, but it itself dictates the rules of the game to clothes!” In other words, the stronger our sense of our own integrity and fullness of life, the easier and more joyful our relationship with our clothes will be.
* L. Taieb, E. Ricadat “Nothing to wear, clothing, pleasure and torture” (Albin Michel, 2012).
Take as a basis
Fashion expert Evelina Khromchenko, host of the Fashion Sentence program on Channel One TV, invites us to review our wardrobe and make sure that it includes 25 basic items of clothing and accessories that will always come to the rescue when we lack inspiration. . Here are these things.
Beige double-breasted coat; black or khaki trench coat; a blouse that resembles a white men’s shirt; T-shirt; T-shirt; vest; cardigan or jumper in black, beige or gray; black pantsuit; dark blue jeans; pencil skirt; black or gray sheath dress; Cocktail Dress; stilettos in flesh or black; sandals; “ballet shoes”; sneakers; small clutch; a bag the size of a book on a chain or strap; a fairly large bag with two handles; bright square scarf; pashmina tippet; a long string of white pearls; steel watch in men’s style; aviator glasses; a wide belt that will easily allow you to turn an office set into an evening one.
Posted by Olga Muradova