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«I made a decision so that we could live a normal life, because an abnormal life is the daily stay in hospitals and the daily uncertainty about what tomorrow will bring. That life was »for survival« », says Mr. Bartosz, who gave his wife a kidney last year. What does the transplant look like from the donor’s point of view? What emotions accompany it? Mr. Bartosz told us his story.
- Earlier, Karolina told us about the fight against the disease, the accompanying fears and the sacrifice of her husband. You can find her story here: «My husband gave me the kidney. Thanks to this I got my life back »
- – When my wife became pregnant, the doctor referred her to dialysis. The first one took place before Christmas Eve. From that evening, I remember that my wife was asleep, and I was still making Christmas Eve dumplings at night – remembers Bartosz
- It turned out that Ms. Karolina can receive a kidney from a living donor, and the couple started looking for it. – I remember saying to my wife: I will probably give it to you. I knew it from the beginning
- Mr. Bartosz mentions that as a souvenir of the procedure he has a small scar on his abdomen below the navel. – I laugh that my wife has hers (because she gave birth by Caesarean section), and I have mine
- On March 11, we celebrate World Kidney Day
- You can find more such stories on the TvoiLokony home page
Monika Mikołajska listened to it
My wife found out about the disease by accident. It was 2014. Back then, I was hoping it was a temporary problem. However, the more tests Karolina underwent, the faster the situation changed. When she had a kidney biopsy, it turned out that she was not kidding. I was diagnosed with IgA nephropathy (this is the most common form of glomerulonephritis – editor’s note).
At first, the very name of the disease meant nothing to us. We didn’t know if it was healing or not. Then we learned everything from the doctors …
The wife did more research. She also started taking steroids. I admit it was one of the hardest times. Karolina did not take the therapy well, and the drugs did not manage to stop the disease. After stopping these drugs, my wife was left to closely monitor her blood pressure, drink plenty of water, and introduce a diet. She had to cut down on meat, give up dairy and fast food. And it had to be done as soon as possible.
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I got involved in this new nutrition – it was a challenge for me. Besides, I knew that when I was eating sandwiches with her favorite cheese with her, neither I nor she would feel good about it. So we changed our diet together – we ate the same thing, prepared meals together, we got to know new tastes together and we supported each other in this seemingly simple way.
Waiting for the baby
At the end of 2016, my wife became pregnant. I found out that I would be a dad a few days before Christmas Eve. We were happy – we knew that with this disease there was a risk of problems getting pregnant.
We had to inform the wife’s nephrologist about the child. The doctor decided that dialysis would be necessary – thanks to them, my wife was able to carry on the pregnancy. Karolina attended them all nine months, five days a week. Each dialysis took about four hours.
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The treatments started almost immediately. My wife went for the first one the day before Christmas Eve. These were great emotions – apart from the preparations for Christmas. Placing catheters, getting to know all this equipment … We returned home very tired. From that evening, I remember that my wife was asleep, and that I was still making Christmas Eve dumplings at night.
Mentally, these months of dialysis had been terrible for my wife. I’m not just talking about the emotional instability caused by the pregnancy. It is known that there are different people lying in the dialysis rooms. It sometimes happened that some of them were undergoing surgery one day and were dead the next day. There were such cases. Such situations are difficult for everyone, but probably especially for a pregnant woman.
Taking all this into account, after a few treatments, my wife knew that she would do anything to avoid having to undergo dialysis after pregnancy. So that you do not have to lie there anymore and put your whole life under these treatments.
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Fortunately, the pregnancy was normal, we were monitored all the time. A healthy and energetic daughter was born to us. Her name is Natalia.
The necessity of a transplant and important decisions
September 2018 brought huge changes. During the routine monthly checkups, a kidney transplant was found to be the best option for a wife. We signed up on the waiting list for an organ from a deceased donor.
It was also possible to collect an organ from a living donor. We wondered who in the family might be suitable. I remember saying to my wife: I will probably give her to you. I knew it from the beginning.
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We have talked about the transplant and my donation many times. We discussed various scenarios. Most of all, we had a little daughter. I found that even if this transplant is scheduled for a year, two, five years, carrying it out now would be a much better option than when the daughter is older. We did not know how our fate would turn out. Those were hard topics…. However, we decided to try.
I had no doubts or hesitations to donate the kidney to my wife. It was actually natural. I know some people are concerned about this. However, when a person is faced with a choice whether a small child should have a healthy mother, or whether our lives will still be ruled by dialysis every day, and if so, who will work when I stay with the young child at home – there is no doubt. Any other option than transplant was out of the question. It was the best and easiest way.
After the decision was made, we had to do some research. I was thoroughly tested and I was even satisfied with it. In June 2019, it turned out that I could donate a kidney to my wife. Within a week, we found ourselves in the hospital.
My wife’s surgery and transplant
During the qualification for transplant and already in the hospital, we were under the care of our transplant coordinator. Before the operation, we had a conversation with a surgeon and a psychologist, we knew what to expect and what the procedure would look like. We were really well informed. It brought peace.
The transplant was on July 4. I must have been stressed just before the operation itself, when I knew that “that” moment had come. Generally, however, my approach to it was task-oriented: it has to be done and that’s it. In fact, the most important thing was for it to be over.
The only thing I remember from the operation is that I went to the room… and then, when I woke up, after the surgery. At that time, my wife was already in the room – after the transplant.
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As a souvenir of the procedure, I have a small scar on my stomach below the navel. I laugh that my wife has hers (because she gave birth by Caesarean section), and I have mine.
After the operation, I wanted to get up right away, although of course I couldn’t. But day by day it was getting better and better, the discomfort was getting smaller. After all, less than a week after the party, I was able to go home. The wife stayed a day longer.
Of course, he was thinking about whether the kidney would be taken over, whether his wife’s body would not reject it – they popped up in my head. On the other hand, I explained to myself that if after donating the kidney I can function without experiencing major side effects, and maybe I can do it, then it is worth trying, you have to try. This is better than waiting for daily dialysis sessions. No matter how much this kidney would hold on.
Back to normal
More than a year has passed since the transplant. I don’t feel any effects from that operation, and I don’t take any medications. Admittedly, at the beginning I got tired faster, I could not lift, do sports – I had to save myself, but I guess that’s the way it is after each operation. Currently, I even forget that I have one kidney – I only remember it when someone starts talking about it.
Let me repeat: I absolutely do not regret becoming a donor. I would do it a second time (if it were possible). Donating the kidney was a completely normal reflex for me. I made up my mind that we could live a normal life, because an abnormal life is the daily stay in hospitals and the daily uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring. That life was “for survival”.
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We are really alive now. We can focus on our daughter, our ambitions, plans, we can travel. We just come true.
To people who are or will be in the situation I was in, I would like to say that the worst thing you can do is create black scenarios in your head. Instead, it is worth ensuring reliable information – it will bring you peace of mind.
You may be interested in:
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