It turns out that after passing the Distance, I forgot a lot of things. First of all — what is «envy».
I walk down the street, next to me a woman is talking on the phone. I hear: “Oh, how great, I really envy you!” — the word «envy» attracted my attention — put me into a stupor. It’s like when you’re learning a new language, you hear a familiar word, but you can’t remember its meaning. «Envy, what is it?» – “… silence. I can’t articulate/remember. Then I went over for a few minutes and remembered what it was and what they eat with. I remembered a couple of cases from my life. I still managed to do it, and I defined what envy is. And then I asked myself: “Well, now there are also people who do something better than me, who have more resources than me, and I would also like to strive for this or something like that. What am I doing instead of envy?
And I do the following: if I like something from another (some skill, or clothes, or something else), I notice it: “How cool / cool / interesting! I also need to do this, or — it would be nice if I could do it too! What do I need to do to get it too?”
And then I realized that I forgot what «shame» is. Recently, on the Internet, I came across an article that helped get rid of shame. Again, when the word “shame” is used, there is emptiness inside, the word “shame” comes from that same language that I do not understand. I realized that there is no shame in my life. And somehow I’m not ashamed of it. Yes, there are bugs that I correct as much as possible. I live in completely different categories that do not intersect with shame. Instead, there is a question: “What else can I improve in myself”?
Well, so far the last find is about betrayal.
Periodically, the word «betrayal» comes across to me in articles, conversations with other people. In principle, there has never been such a word in my life, at least I don’t remember anything like that. Betrayal can be excluded in relation to others if you take responsibility and obligations to yourself and to yourself: to family, friends, projects, life. The betrayal of others in relation to me is also excluded for the simple reason that I know that even in very serious matters, people’s plans, intentions, etc. can change for completely different reasons. and I can be ready for this and make a plan B, C and D. By the way, that’s why it’s also so important to form your right environment, where others, like you, have such a word in the dictionary and there are no such actions.
The partner moved to another project, and your joint project became uninteresting to him? For me, this is not a betrayal, but the fact that the partner’s plans have changed. And even if all of a sudden I have some thoughts, feelings and complaints about this about my partner, they are unlikely to affect him: he is already head over heels in another project, it is unlikely that you will return him like that. And I need to think about what to do next.
A loved one is interested in another girl. It may be debatable for some, but for me this is not a betrayal either: intentions, tastes, plans have changed. And perhaps, as a loved one, I took little care and did it. Can and want to take care of my beloved further? What can I do?
For me, such observations are an indicator of the transition to the next step in the quality of life, where the steps are lower — although the basis, but the passed stage. Now the stage is such that, by definition, I don’t know such categories as fear, envy, shame, betrayal, resentment, etc. in my life. etc. — not because I don’t use these words, and disguise them as something, but because such categories are basically absent. What is there? There is responsibility to oneself, caring for others, striving for action and meaning, working on the Maximum of life, which makes life happy.
What exactly did I do?
What exercises shaped this approach to life in the first place? The fusion of the following helped me: Declaration of acceptance of reality, Mistake!, Position of the Author, Quiet presence, If I loved, Good!