Contents
An ashtray from a coffee shop, a hanger from a fitness club, a shoehorn from a hotel… Why do some people take items they don’t really need?
“When I stay at a hotel, I always take branded envelopes and pens, shampoo bottles with me,” Oleg, 35, admits. “I understand that I’m unlikely to use them at home, but I still take them – just like that, as a keepsake.”
These unnecessary little things symbolically help prolong the pleasure associated with the holiday. More recently, bright bottles and beautiful wrappers were a rarity in our country. Brought from abroad, they seemed to be something magical. “Today we can buy everything we need,” explains existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova, “but some of us still want to collect these pretty trinkets, as if compensating for a shortage left in the distant past.”
The sweetness of the forbidden fruit
A plastic shower cap, a glass ashtray or a spoon from a cafe – as a rule, items that we appropriate – are not essential. And yet, many find it difficult to resist. In part, this is similar to the behavior of a kleptomaniac who takes things not for profit, but under the influence of impulse. However, if the passion for unmotivated theft, as a rule, is unconscious and involuntary, then our heroes are aware of their act, but repeat it again and again.
“Rejecting a non-strict taboo that is not directly related to the requirements of morality, they thus try to feel inner lightness and freedom,” Svetlana Krivtsova believes. – Their actions turn out to be akin to an innocent childish prank – like sticking your tongue out at the teacher behind his back. The children’s habit of taking pleasure on the sly leads to the fact that someone else’s trifle pleases an adult sometimes more than an expensive gift – perhaps because it returns to childhood with its happy impunity.
“I did not feel the border between free and alien”
Alla, 26 years old, postgraduate student
“This is from my mother – the feeling that free is never superfluous. Without any remorse, I took sweets, magazines from a hairdresser, cosmetic items from hotels. This continued until last year, when I was invited to a conference.
We were about to leave the hotel when the administrator turned to me: “The towel is not included in the room price. Will you pay for it or return it? From shame, I was ready to fall through the ground. I realized that I had gone too far and no longer felt the difference between free and someone else’s. This thought struck me so much that I never carried anything again.
Advice to an outsider
If we are talking about a child, tell him without hesitation that this cannot be done: if he wants to take something, he should politely ask about it, but in no case should he take it without asking.
However, if we are talking about an adult, then by trying to educate him, you risk offending him: after all, he convinces himself that he is doing it by right.
The most effective way is to joke, thereby emphasizing the senselessness of his act, but without humiliating the person himself.
Try saying something harmless: “Is this your fiftieth ashtray? For a non-smoker, this is a record!” or “And how are you going to get along with a salt and pepper shaker from a restaurant? Will you keep it for yourself for a rainy day or give it to your mother-in-law for the New Year?
Emphasize the disproportion between his act and the significance of the subject itself, and he will be forced to admit that the situation is really ridiculous.
make up for the lack
Feeling embarrassed, those who like to appropriate someone else’s are looking for a rational explanation for their actions. But this is only a pretext: in fact, a person who takes something that does not belong to him often tries to make up for some long-standing loss in this way. 29-year-old Elena used to carry erasers, hairpins, notepads from her classmates as a child. So she tried to drown out the feeling of loss that arose in her after the sudden divorce of her parents: it seemed to her that she had an inner right to rob girlfriends from complete families, because they had something that she herself was desperately lacking.
“It feels like I was robbed” – such words are heard from people who have lost something important, – comments Jungian analyst Yulia Kazakevich. – Appropriating unnecessary things, a person seems to be performing a calming ritual: taking someone else’s, he experiences the feeling of returning the stolen and at the same time convinces himself that the stolen is a trifle of little value. And all in order to protect yourself from resentment and impotent anger associated with a real loss.
have to be
“I have the right to do so,” say those who take what they don’t need. Indeed, it is not forbidden to taste fruits from the supermarket stand. “But, abusing this, a person behaves as if he is everywhere at home,” explains Svetlana Krivtsova. – He does not feel boundaries and by his behavior proves to himself that he is better and more significant than others. However, the self-awareness that he achieves in this case is the strength of the weak: he lacks confidence in himself and others in order to enter into adult, equal relationships with them and, for example, openly ask permission to take the thing he likes.
What to do?
behave nicely
“It’s free”, “It was put on purpose so that everyone would take it”, “It costs nothing”… Appropriating small cheap items and trying to justify your behavior, you show pettiness and greed – not the most pleasant properties. Perhaps, realizing that such actions do not paint you at all, you can see their meaninglessness.
Think about the risk
“Whistle”, “pull off” are euphemisms for an act that lies on the verge of theft. Do you want to be caught because of such a trifle? If you like an item, contact the owner directly and let them know if you would like to purchase it. Wouldn’t it be better to be sincere and polite than risk being a delinquent?
Ask yourself if you need it
Am I taking this item or not? Do I need it or not? Before you take it, ask yourself if this item will be useful to you. Think about the things that are likely to clutter up your closets – this will allow you to realize the futility of your actions. If, despite everything, you still cannot resist, think about what motives really lie behind this desire.