“Indeed, playing with a child sometimes requires effort from parents,” agrees child psychologist Irina Mlodik. “But they will justify themselves, because the game is a great way to strengthen your relationship.”
“Many parents find it difficult to admit that they do not like children’s games at all. How much shame and guilt they experience, realizing that putting a cube on a cube or driving a typewriter across the carpet is incredibly boring for them. It is especially boring for those adults who, for various reasons, have forgotten what it is to be a child. Maybe their own parents did not like to play with them and urged them to do serious things. And now these adults just don’t know how to play. It is difficult for them to be mischievous, spontaneous; situations that require inner freedom and lightness are painful for them. Therefore, so often they choose “useful”, developing activities, not realizing that until about the age of seven, play is the most important way for a child’s mental development.
Of course, we have the right not to like children’s games and from time to time refuse to play with our son or daughter. But it is still worth making a little effort – at least for ten minutes. Joint play strengthens our connection with the child, helps to find out how he lived this day and what he feels now, this is especially important if he does not like to talk about himself or he does not have enough words for this. In role-playing games, children live their fears, resentments, doubts. Therefore, you should not teach them to play “correctly”, saying, for example: “What an evil crocodile! Let him ask for forgiveness for biting everyone. On the contrary, taking advantage of the situation, you can help to understand your feelings by asking: “Why did he bite? Did he get angry? And for what? And what about the animals he bit? They got scared?” Listening carefully to the child, you will see what worries him, teach him to understand the motives of his actions.
Try to find your interest in the game, and for this, just trust in everything … the child – his improvisation, his logic of actions, his faith in the proposed circumstances. And you will most likely feel excitement, lightness – priceless qualities that few adults manage to keep in themselves.
About the Developer
Irina Mlodik is an existential psychologist who has authored several books, including A Book for Non-Ideal Parents, or Life on a Free Subject (Genesis, 2009).