They flatly refuse to drive. They are not tempted by speed, freedom of movement, or empowerment. They explain their reluctance for various reasons: from fear of failure to concern for the environment. But is there something else behind these arguments?
“At a party, my husband and I constantly look at our watches in order to be in time before the metro closes,” admits 32-year-old Arina. And if he and George are still late, then they have to call a taxi or ask their friends to give them a lift. And yet the spouses do not plan to get rights, they have never crossed the threshold of a driving school.
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Fear of discipleship. “Studying something again, then taking exams is like going back to school,” explains 41-year-old Georgy. – This is not for me!” For those who didn’t get a driver’s license at a young age, it’s often hard to make up your mind and start cramming the rules. “For those who have not had the best memories of school life, study is associated with humiliation, the experience of their failure. And even years later, they instinctively try to avoid repeating such an experience, ”explains psychologist Inna Shifanova. The prospect of being on the same bench with very young fellow students is also disturbing. “Many men and women are not ready to start studying, not because it is difficult for them to learn the material, but because they are afraid to look in the eyes of others (and in their own eyes) not as solid professionals, but as beginning students,” says the psychologist. “And the less self-confident a person is, the more he fears the reproaches and ridicule of others.” Some decide not to face the possibility of failure so as not to put their self-esteem to further tests.
My experience
Marianna, 29 years old, doctor
“No one in our family drove, and I was not going to. But I chose the profession of a family doctor, and it requires traveling. Sometimes the patient is called at night. There is nothing worse than standing at the curb with your hand up and feeling how precious time is running out. And I went to driving school. At first, nothing worked. How I hated the instructor, myself, the pedals and the gearbox! But I knew it was necessary if I wanted to stay in the profession. And she got her way. Now it’s easy for me to get where I want, and driving is no longer just part of the job, but also a vacation. When I’m driving, the whole world belongs to me, and I own only myself.
What to do?
Understand your true intentions
Make your list of “pros and cons” – it will help you accurately assess the possible benefits and undesirable consequences. But if the need to drive doesn’t overpower your fears, don’t despair. With environmental issues in mind, the pedestrian ends up ahead of everyone else!
Choose a teacher
We do not find our “own” hairdresser or dentist the first time and do not see anything shameful in this. It may not be suitable for any driving school. However, an experienced driving instructor is always a good psychologist and has his own methods of teaching timid motorists. There are even special driving courses that include such a section as “overcoming fears”.
Test yourself in practice
It’s completely natural to get excited when driving for the first time. We often refuse to learn to drive because of a lack of self-confidence – but once we master this skill, we begin to feel much better about ourselves.
“Catastrophic Forecast”. “I feel uneasy at the thought that I will have to be responsible for the lives of my passengers,” admits 42-year-old Saveliy. “It’s a pity to lose money on fines, but there is always such a danger on the road,” says 28-year-old Nina. “It’s scary: because of my insecurity or awkwardness, people can suffer,” 36-year-old Natalya explains her reluctance to drive. Sometimes the situation on the road is seen as something beyond our control. “Such an irrational fear may be the result of psychological trauma if someone close was injured in an accident,” adds Inna Shifanova. “If grief is not experienced, it is very difficult to decide to drive, saying to yourself: I have my own life, with other events.”
Tendency to be subordinate. The road is one of the most enduring symbols of human life. “Learning to drive a car would mean learning to drive your life,” Inna Shifanova draws an analogy. And for many, this is a difficult task. Several generations in our country grew up under the yoke of an official ideology that encouraged the willingness to submit to others without hesitation and to suppress one’s own initiative. The fragility of the boundaries between law and arbitrariness gave rise to anxiety and uncertainty that our well-being depends on ourselves. Much has changed since then, but the patterns of behavior imprinted in the collective unconscious continue to affect us. The habit of a non-adult attitude to life (“Someone has to do something for me, but I myself (a) can’t and can do little”) is still very strong.” When we sit behind the wheel, we have no one to delegate responsibility. And no matter how strong the desire to rely on someone who decides everything for us, we have to give it up.