“School teaches us tolerance,” explains child psychologist Marina Kravtsova*. “Help your child understand that teachers are people like everyone else: they too can be irritable and sometimes unfair.”
“Emotional and personal connections with adults around him are still very important for a schoolchild of 6–10 years old. If the relationship with the teacher does not add up, then the child at school feels uncomfortable. His experiences can reflect a whole range of feelings: fear, anger, aggression, apathy.
An impressionable and vulnerable child may, for example, be afraid of a teacher. This fear sometimes arises as a result of a single episode, when a teacher scolded a student for something or simply raised his voice. And then your son or daughter closes in on himself, refuses to answer in class.
A student who is indulged in the family may dislike the teacher and violate discipline simply because he does not know how to obey the rules. Someone who is used to being the center of attention may be offended that he is not asked every time he raises his hand. As a result, this “dislike” often becomes mutual: the teacher unconsciously feels hostility towards the child. And his behavior only exacerbates the situation.
In an effort to help the child, avoid extremes: you should not immediately run to sort things out with the teacher and the administration or offer your son (daughter) to “be patient until high school.” First of all, listen carefully and express sympathy.
The child has the right to feel negative emotions towards the teacher, and you are “very sorry that this happened.” But explain to him that a teacher is the same person as everyone else: he has the right to lose his temper and even … be unfair.
Do not discuss the teacher in front of children: if the child catches even the slightest hostility in your words, he will accept your point of view, and this will lead to the fact that it will be even more difficult for him to learn. Talk to him about life in the classroom, about incidents and events, ask how the “unloved” teacher reacted to them. Observe for yourself how he interacts with the children during breaks.
Take part in the preparation of a class event: joint activities help to get closer, to find positive aspects in each other. But it may also happen that the teacher really oversteps the boundaries of what is permitted, humiliates the child.
Talk to the parents of other children to compare your feelings: if they match, talk to the principal. It may be necessary to transfer the child to another teacher or to another school.”
* Author of the book “Outcast Children. Psychological work with the problem” (Genesis, 2004).