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Too common, outdated or strange – it is not always liked by those who wear it. What can be done to make the name truly your own?
His parents named him Sigismund Shlomo. But 22 years later, he himself decided to call himself Sigmund. Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, remarked in Totem and Taboo: “A man’s name is one of the most important components of his personality,” but he never explained why he changed his. By the way, his mother affectionately called him Sigi… Maybe Sigmund seemed to him more courageous or more German than Sigismund?
“Dislike for the name is not connected with the name as such, but with what it symbolizes for ourselves, for our parents or in the collective unconscious,” says Jungian analyst Olga Efimova.
It’s not me
“The main function of a name is to refer to us, but it always means something else,” notes the analyst. – There are dictionaries of names with translations of their meanings from ancient languages. And new names bear the imprint of time. So, at the beginning of the XNUMXth century, children were called Vladlens (short for “Vladimir Lenin”) or Revmirs (“Revolution of the World”).”
If a child is named after a family member or historical hero, they tell him about it – and along with the name, he “by inheritance” receives characteristics.
“The appropriation of these symbolic meanings is a long process,” emphasizes Olga Yefimova. “It can push a person to development, but it can also cause protest, unwillingness to meet the expectations of parents and the image that is set through the given name.”
I want to be my own in a new environment
“In the modern world, we travel a lot, often change our place of work or country, and those who find themselves in a new environment tend to adapt to it faster. And changing the name becomes the first step on this path, – Olga Efimova reflects. “For example, Mushlan can turn into Marina.”
It is easier for others to remember, it is easier to communicate. “But behind this, there may also be a rejection of one’s nationality, a feeling of one’s inferiority – these feelings are more likely to be characteristic of those who lacked self-confidence and self-respect before.”
Nina, 47 years old, ophthalmologist
“Mom named me after my grandmother – I think she tried to appease her with this, but nothing came of it. Grandmother always loved her son more, but she treated her mother coldly and me too. I grew up feeling like I carried her dislike along with my name. As a child, I really wanted to be called like my mother, Zhenya. But my mother said that she herself did not like this name – it seemed to her “sprawling” and sexless.
One day I decided to learn Spanish, and in the course we were asked to choose new names for ourselves. I liked calling myself Maria so much that I began introducing myself as Masha to all my new acquaintances. At the same time, I felt different, more affectionate, trusting. I was already thinking about changing my name officially, but I realized that I would be sorry to give up Nina forever. That’s how it turned out that in my name there is still something valuable for me.
I don’t love myself
“Of all the words the child hears, this is the one that will be of fundamental importance in securing narcissistic integrity: his name,” writes the child psychoanalyst Françoise Dolto in The Unconscious Body Image. Not loving your name – does it mean not loving yourself?
“Yes, it can mean that a person has a negative image of himself,” confirms social psychologist Nicolas Gueguin. “Those who experience personal disadvantage often devalue something external to themselves, such as their appearance or name.” If the feeling of trouble passes, the attitude towards the name also changes.
What to do?
Talk to parents
If you are thinking about why your parents gave you such an inappropriate name and what they were thinking, then it is best not to fantasize, but to ask them directly: “Why this particular name? Who chose him? Were you in agreement? How do you think it should have affected my life?” etc.
Such a conversation will help bring clarity and separate your relationship with your parents from your relationship with yourself.
Choose the appropriate form of the name
Make a list of all the possible derivations of your name: use your friends, the internet, and other sources to increase your options. Choose the shape you like best and use it. If you still can’t find one, come up with a “creative pseudonym” for yourself.
Try out a new name
Before officially changing your name, try it out – introducing yourself to new acquaintances, for example, fellow travelers on the road or interlocutors on the Internet. Evaluate your impressions: they may change over time. Perhaps it’s not the name at all – or not only it. Ask yourself: what else in your life would you like to change?