I never tried to choose friends for my baby, but then it just blew my head.
Back in the hospital, the doctor told me: “Remember, this is not completely your being. It contains 50% foreign DNA. ” This was said in a medical context, of course. But I learned something else from these words: a child is not only flesh of my flesh, it is, first of all, a separate person with his own character, his own desires, preferences and judgments. This is how she treated all 11 years of her life.
Until now, Vera was friends with a very good girl – educated, versatile, from a wonderful family. Gradually, they became uninteresting together, different hobbies appeared, tastes diverged – it happens. They did not become enemies, but they communicate much less and are far from so close. And Vera became close to another classmate, Katya. Girl – tear it off and throw it away, as they say. A real kid. Fights with the boys, can send obscenities, rude. At the same time, we must pay tribute to her, non-offensive and cheerful. However, I see very clearly how my dear Vera is changing in the process of this friendship. Matom does not swear yet, but rude words are already slipping through. He cultivates boyish habits and habits: he wears skirts less and less, I feel that he will soon completely switch to jeans and stretched sweaters. Previously, my favorite colors were light pastel colors, now – black … It seems to be trifles, but they make up a completely unattractive perspective to me.
Katya spends almost every weekend visiting my daughter. Both of them are fond of modeling, together they make some strange jewelry and toys, fight, laugh.
Katya, as I understand it, has very wealthy parents, a big house, but the girl is left to herself: she comes to us whenever she pleases, always hungry, moves freely around the city alone and does not even always tell her mother where she is. I tried to talk to her mother, but she hardly makes contact. Sometimes she only wonders if it is convenient for us if Katya comes to Ksyusha again. In return, my daughter is not invited …
Katya is a poor student. Faith is the opposite. But this is for now. More and more often I hear remarks like “Katka isn’t soaring, why should I ?!” I’m getting lost. Katya walks in the cold without a hat and warm tights, and mine is already stuttering about the same thing.
Plus, Katya has an older brother, and her sister lets go of jokes with the boys, obviously not childish …
I don’t want to point out to my daughter the obvious flaws of her best friend, but what should I do? I would gladly just forbid Vera to be friends with Katya. But what this will lead to, I do not even presume … The daughter is a strong-willed girl, with her own judgments. And if something gets into her head, to dissuade her, it is very difficult for her to “open her eyes”. I’m afraid to lose the trust of my girl, but I also like Katya less and less. Recently, she also had a younger sister, her parents, it seems, are not up to Katya at all. The other day Vera announced that she intends to have a serious talk with Katya’s mother. Like, a girlfriend complains about inattention in the family, she eats poorly. If this continues, Katya will move to us!
Touching, funny, bold …
The daughter is a fighter and a true friend, that’s good. But it’s getting harder and harder for me to endure this Katya in our house while pretending to be friendly.
Sometimes I allow myself to make remarks about her, but no one gave me the right to raise someone else’s child. I also can’t imagine how to painlessly drive Katya away from Vera …
From the first to the fifth grade, Vera had three “best friends”. This is the fourth. I hope my daughter will eventually understand that Katya is not her match. I carefully emphasize that it is not girlish to do and say certain things. Vera takes my criticism towards her friend with hostility so far. “She is good!” – that’s the whole argument. Maybe good, but why is my daughter getting worse next to her?! ..
Deeply impressed by the original attitude of the mother-storyteller to her child. She says very important words that I would like to draw the attention of all parents: a child is a separate person, with his own feeling, feeling of life. Although, of course, parents are responsible for life, health, the transfer of moral and social experience to their children.
Sooner or later, a parent will certainly come across the fact that he does not like this or that choice of his child, be it a friend, friend, admirer, husband / wife.
In such situations, I always recommend taking a break, exhaling, calming down, observing the situation a little and not immediately taking harsh measures and categorical decisions.
It is at this stage that the heroine of the article is now: she is observing her daughter’s new friend and evaluating the changes in her character and appearance: “rude words are already slipping through … cultivating boyish habits … will soon switch to jeans and stretched sweaters.”
I am glad that the heroine of the article tries to maintain objectivity and finds positive features in her daughter’s “uncomfortable” friend: she is not offended and cheerful.
It is possible to analyze the feelings and emotions of the heroine, but now I would like to dwell on the fact that every person during his development is characterized by normative crises. And the girl is just on the verge of one of them – this is the beginning of the transitional age, when the child is trying to break the established system of authorities and build his own. Often, the situation proceeds according to the following scenario: if moms and dads have enough wisdom and endurance, the child’s normative crisis is as neutral as possible, and in the future, trusting relationships are built with the parents.
If the parents try to explicitly control and pressure their child, violent rebellions with loss of confidence are possible in response. If the normative age crisis has not passed in due time, it will pass later, and, probably, with more destabilizing events for the development and psyche of the child.